We dare you to see a cop car slowly rolling down the street past rows of cars and not pass out from fear of getting a ticket. It’s a rite of passage that before you graduate you have to get at least one parking ticket from these assholes, but what’s a student to do? Take our advice, because The Black Sheep knows how to wriggle your way out of a parking ticket in Columbia…
6.) Stick the ticket up your ass…literally:
Is this stupid? Yes. Will you have to pay the parking ticket? Probably not. Will it be uncomfortable? Well, that just depends on your preferences.
5.) Don’t be such an asshole:
Odds are you got this ticket because you’re being one douche of a driver, but you just won’t admit it to yourself. No one likes a parking spot stealer! Sit back and reevaluate your life and stop being an asshole!
4.) Abandon your car. Run away. Get a new identity. Start a new life.:
This is probably the only way to escape those damn tickets. Better yet, don’t wait til you have a ticket—next time you see that truck, run as far away as possible and never look back.
3.) Flirt with the meter maid:
If you catch them in time, put those Fieldhouse refined flirting skills to the test on Officer McDreamy. Tell them they were in your dream last night. Bat your eyelashes and ask for their Snap. You’re only doing it right if you end up in handcuffs!
2.) Cry to the meter maid:
When flirting doesn’t work and you’re desperate it seems all you can do if rely on those little drops of fake desperation that fall from your eyes. This has to be pretty dramatic to be convincing though so get ready for you Oscar-worthy performance. Bonus points if snot comes out of your nose.
1.) Eat the ticket:
This is the best alternative to number six because, well, you know. When the courts start contacting you to pay your late ticket you can tell them “Search my shit!” They’ll probably think you’re joking, but make sure you tell them that this is a scientific method of getting out of tickets is provided by the loyal research team at The Black Sheep.
If this doesn’t work, we don’t really know what to do. You should probably just pay the parking ticket. Who wants to end up in jail over a string of unpaid tickets? That’s literally the lamest jail story ever. Go rob a bank or something. Try harder.