So, there’s this board outside Strickland Hall. You know the one. No one really looks at it, but also everyone knows it’s there. Really it should be a place for organizations and events to advertise events, but, it looks more like the vomit of a pape- shredding machine. “What kind of gems could we uncover on this seemingly board of trash?” we asked. So, you know what we did? We fuckin’ went out, we explored, we found shit, and now we’re gonna make fun of it. Good? Great.
5.) Buckethead at the Blue Note:
This is a total hipster approach to the classic “drunk lampshade on head.” Buckets are way more functional as hats than lampshades, by the way. It could double as a drum or Mr. Buckethead could even puke into it if needed. Round of applause for this innovator, ladies and gentlemen.
4.) Mizzou Rec Fight Night:
Pretty sure this is fight club in disguise. To be honest, this is actually for a good cause, so you should probably take your ass there in order to put “avid philanthropist” on your resume and pretend you actually did something during your four (or five) years here. Also, the number one rule about fight club is that you don’t talk about fight club… which we now realize we have just done… fuck.
3.) Dance Dance Revolution Club:
BRIGHT COLORS! BIG LETTERS! MANY WORDS! LOOK AT US! JOIN US!!!!!! WE’RE FUN AND TOTALLY WEREN’T ON ACID WHEN MAKING THIS FLYER!!!! That, or this flyer screams, “Meeting in the basement, no mom’s allowed.” Maybe she’ll make you cookies and do your laundry if you join?
2.) Beer tastes better in the front row:
Yeah, OK, this isn’t a flyer. We’re not that stupid. They aren’t wrong though, but we have some ideas of how they could improve this sticker. There should be another sticker underneath this that says something like “Beer tastes better going in than out,” or “Beer looks better in your stomach than in your toilet.” You get it. Moral of the story: stop puking everywhere people.
1.) Pizza Tree late-night delivery:
Use of basic-bitch buzzwords “pizza” and “bae”? Check. Photograph of drunken staple? Check. Attractive to the after bars crowd that will probably drink the ranch dressing like its vodka and shove two pieces of pizza down their pie holes at a time? Check, check, check.
Will this article actually get anyone to look at the Strickland board? No, we’re not that optimistic. We know that no one actually reads from real paper. Will this article get anyone to join the Dance Dance Revolution club? Probably. Shake your asses off Tigers, shake it for Truman.
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