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5 Gorgeous Rugs To Sweep Your Frat’s Hazing Allegations Under

So one of your pledges snitched on your frat for torturing them in your basement for 20 hours straight. What a wuss! Although your frat can certainly handle the usual passive slap on the wrist from the university, it’s much easier to sweep those totally untrue allegations like making that poor 18-year-old chug urine under the rug. Fortunately for you, we picked out five gorgeous rugs to sweep those hazing allegations under.

5.) No shutdown blues:

This beautiful, extremely soft blue area rug can cover that entire situation where you locked the entire pledge class in a basement and made them stand around naked while a live alligator was trying to chomping at their nuts. Like the fading blue color of the rug, your frat’s worries about losing their house will be completely gone after you make that whole situation go away with this beautiful piece.

4.) Smell the flowers:

Your masculinity might be threatened by having a rug with flowers, but that’s exactly the point. No one would suspect a frat with a flower rug to make some little group of freshman eat cow poop because if you like flowers, you’re clearly a woman! Everyone knows sororities don’t haze because girls are so much nicer to each other.

3.) Stay out of the kitchen:

Rugs are so versatile that it doesn’t have to be for just your living room where you serve drinks to underage students. A nice kitchen rug would be the ideal place to sweep that hazing complaint of you blindfolding the pledges in your kitchen and slicing a bit of a kid’s finger off after they couldn’t remember the pledge master’s middle name from 2002. Shame on that kid for not knowing the answer, and shame on him for snitching.

2.) Clean as a whistle:

Since when was waterboarding someone to teach them discipline for a made- up organization was a crime? No one, if you have this effective shower rug to soak up any residual from your CIA-like tactics on your pledges! Squeegee that little hazing allegation under this rug and tortue on.

1.) Get in the hole:

Once allegations are swept under the rug, it’s certain that they won’t ever come back up because the university needs Greek life to maintain enrollment from those precious suburbs. But, in order to be 100% sure those allegations go away, get a rug with a literal black hole in it. This could allow you to throw that snitch into the black hole if he thinks of snitching out you guys to the police. Every pledge is replaceable!

As a fraternity, you’re untouchable and will never be fully shut down from campus, but a rug will provide you the certainty that any snitches will get stitches and those silly, totally- untrue hazing allegations will go be swept under the rug. Your university won’t be bothered by the tactic since they have rugs of their own!

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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