Scooters have long been a part of college culture. When class periods end, scooters swamp the streets as far as the eye can see. These beloved staples, however, are a raging pain in the ass. They need constant love, attention, and money thrown at them. Sounds a lot like a screaming, crying 2-year old!
6.) Random public tantrums:
Toddlers throw fits when they don’t get what they want; scooters throw them whenever the hell they want. They throw them in the form of weekly deflated tires in the middle of a busy street. What makes scooter tantrums even more intolerable is that when you bought it, the scooter man told you you would only have to fill them up every few months. Woohoo for honesty and shitty mass-produced products made in China!
5.) Not potty trained:
Not unlike the constant pants-shitting behavior seen in most toddlers, scooters have daily oil leaks. It may suck to go pick up your child and smell their shit, but it sucks even more to go to your scooter and see a huge oil leak underneath it.
4.) They cost the same:
A toddler has many expenses; a scooter has even more. Given that scooter parking is the very reason philosophers even came up with the phrase “every man for himself,” scooter repair bills rack up. If you’re looking to lose a turning signal, just park your scooter at the library.
3.) They equally hit the snooze button on life:
Toddlers are constantly growing and naturally need to take naps throughout the day. Scooters do too. It seems like the .2 mile drive up and down the street is just too much for scooters to handle; that’s why they only turn on on odd days of the month and select holidays.
2.) Daycare and on-campus parking are pretty much the same:
Working parents often leave their little ones at daycare while they work. The same applies to students who need to park their scooters on campus while they’re in class. Both cost a fucking fortune!
1.) Both need frequent doctor visits:
Two-year-old children need to go to the doctor a lot for varied reasons. Scooters do too! They go to the scooter doctor – the mechanic. Instead of needing shots or a cast, scooters need new headlights and engines. If only there was scooter health insurance. Who in NS4L do we need to contact?
Scooters require a lot of work and dedication, but at the end of the day, once you’re part of scoot gang there is no going back.
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