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Nerds Actually Excited About Star Wars Episode IX 2019 Release Date, As Though We Won’t All Be Dead by Then

To the delight of nerds across the county,  . The much-anticipated film will be released May 24, 2019, assuming we’re all still alive. The film will serve as the ninth installment of the saga that began in 1977, should society as we know it still exist as far afield as 2019.


still a lot we don’t know about the film, and a lot may never get to know. However, the constant threat of nuclear war, climate change and ecological collapse, and the potential eruption of any of our planet’s numerous supervolcanoes hasn’t stopped any of the Star Wars franchise’s many fans from speculating on potential subtitles for Episode IX, including Oh Wait, We Found Another Jedi, Okay, We Promise, this is Definitely the Last Jedi, and Just Some More Fucking Stuff Blowing Up in Space.



Our impending doom notwithstanding, many film experts already believe that Episode IX will be a colossal box office success. According to one film expert named Henry Nerdisson. “If we aren’t completely annihilated by a nuclear holocaust before 2019, the ninth Star Wars film might be the most successful movie in history. A complete box office victory. Assuming we aren’t dead.”


On Star Wars fanpages, subreddits, and forums across the internet, the excitement for a film none of us may ever get to see is palpable. One user on writes, “This will be the biggest thing for cinema since film was invented, as long as the bees haven’t died out completely or bacteria haven’t become completely resistant to antibiotics by 2019.”


One thing’s for sure, if even a trace of today’s infrastructure survives the apocalyptic events that are sure to occur between now and 2019, hardcore Star Wars fans and casual viewers alike will be thrilled by the cinematic experience that will conclude the space epic.

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