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Rising Sophomore Gains No Practical Experience From Summer Internship at Macy’s, But Hey, At Least He Gets 20% Off

SCHUAMBURG, IL — With a only week left before school starts again, Chase McDoneld has hung up his Macy’s name tag. After gaining absolutely no practical experience at his summer internship, McDoneld has at least taken the positives from the situation. 

“Sure all I did was hang up blouses and ring up middle aged mothers, but at least I got this sweet 20% discount,” McDoneld said. “Sometimes it felt more like a summer job than an internship, but then I remember that I was in charge of that little shit Timmy, and I’m reminded why managing 16 year-olds is something I never want to do again.” 

Timmy Jansen offered his thoughts on McDoneld’s performance over the summer.

“I dunno dude,” Jansen said while sucking on his JUUL. “Chase was kind of a boner. He always told me to like, pick stuff up and move shit. Probably a virgin, honestly.” 

Though a disappointing experience, McDoneld plans to glorify all of his day-to-day tasks at Macy’s on his resume to boost his qualifications for jobs that he is incredibly unqualified for. 

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski, 2 drunk girls. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is on fire.

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