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Senior Graduating Early Obviously In Rush To Start Living Disappointing Adulthood Now

December is around the corner and senior Jessica Reynolds is ready to head into the real world and graduate early to have an inevitably disappointing adulthood.

“I think I’m ready to be done with classes two hours a day, being with thousands of people my age, and not having a real sense of responsibility. All of this fun, once-in-a-lifetime stuff is getting old to me,” Reynolds said. “I just want to graduate early and move back home with my parents already. Adults seem so miserable working 40 hours a week, eating dinner, watching TV for an hour and going to bed on repeat for the rest of their life and I’m,for some reason, in a rush for that disappointing life they have.”

At press time, Reynolds noted she’s already prepared and excited for cookie cutter life of moving to a metropolitan city, getting married, having kids, then dying in a sad retirement home back in the suburbs.

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