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Setting the Bar: Local Graduate’s Five-Year Plan Is to Be Five Years Older

With many college students graduating across the nation, many are taking the first steps into the direction of the rest of their lives. However, there is one person who is blowing everyone’s life plans out of the park: graduate Thomas Fuller’s five-year plan is to become five years older.


“Is this kid for real?” local neighbor Phillip Randall asked.



In fact, he is real, and Thomas is beginning to pursue his goal from the basement of his parents’ home.


“I’ve aged a lot in this house; it’s where I age best. Hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” Thomas explained.


Many are asking: what made Thomas decide to embark on this unique life goal?


“I’ll admit, it’s not a journey many embark upon,” Thomas stated. “When I sat down right here on this couch a few days after graduation, I thought about it and realized how many people are trying to not grow up. Not me. I’m just gonna embrace it. I’m not going to be like a Benjamin Button or Jennifer Aniston. I’m going to age, just you wait and see.”


The Black Sheep talked with his mother upstairs for a report on how successful his endeavors have been so far.


“It’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” Sarah Randall stated. “At first I thought he was joking, but now he just sits in the basement playing video games all day long. His father keeps telling him to get a job, and he just says ‘I already do.’ What’s he gonna do when he’s 26 and can’t be on our health insurance anymore?”


“By then, I’ll have accomplished my 5-year goal,” Thomas explained. “Next goal: Get health insurance.”


While this Peter Pan anti-hero may not be respected for his career goals, it’s the career Thomas has decided to take.


“I found a gray hair the other day,” Thomas recalled, shrugging. “It’s looking like a pretty high success rate. I think things will turn out quite alright.”


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