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Sly Professor Secretly Planning to Just Play Planet of the Apes during Final Exam Period

Dr. Jeff Carlack of American University emailed out a four-page study guide to his students last week, but due to his soft spot and unwillingness to grade 150 exams, he has decided to screen Planet of the Apes during class on the day of the supposed test.

The idea came to Carlack after he saw his students beginning to stress over the final, which in turn caused Carlack to become stressed.

“In class the students keep interrupting my lessons with questions regarding the final, and then when I go home at the end of the day I kick back, open my laptop, and find tens of emails with questions regarding the final!” said Carlack, “The kids these days, they’re so nervous and high-strung all the time.”

Carlack further attributes his secret change of heart to a long and tiresome semester.

“I’ve graded a lot of papers this semester, lots of papers. If I miss one more Tuesday night episode of This Is Us, my wife’s gonna have a cow, ha!” the physics professor added. “Plus, I think my students have got a good enough grasp on the course content by now.”

Dr. Carlack admitted to struggling for minutes last weekend choosing between three movies before settling on Planet of the Apes. He chose the sci-fi classic not because it has any relation to his physics class, but because it is his favorite.

“I’m sure many of my students have seen this film before, but it certainly can’t hurt them to watch it again. And for those few who haven’t seen it, this’ll be a real treat,” said Carlack, “I can’t wait to see their reactions when Astronaut Taylor comes back to find Lady Liberty completely dismantled!”

For now, Carlack’s students are still in the mind that they’re going to walk into a 100-question written response exam next week. Until then they’re expected to complete the mandatory study guide before their upcoming class, where they will find that their long-awaited exam has essentially been cancelled.

Carlack believes that the movie period will be a great relief to the students, many of whom have allegedly sought out counseling for stress associated with impending final exams.

“I guess I could have told them last week that there would be no test, but then they would have no motivation to fill out the study guide that took me forever to make three years ago! I think what I’m doing for them is nice enough, surprise or not. My class is just as important as any other, so of course they should expect to have to study for it,” asserted the professor. 

Dr. Carlack cannot wait for this long semester to finally draw to a close, but not before having his deserving students witness “one of the most epic plot twists in American movie history.”


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