It’s here—the season finale at Duke. While we sent Grayson home crying last time, we should be pulling out all the stops leading into the NCAA tournament. How, you ask? Oh, we got 7 ways.
7.) Celebrate at Duke residence halls:
Everybody likes to party before the big game, right? So take your party somewhere it will really matter. If you live it up right outside of Dook’s residence halls (Crowell would be a good choice) the night before the game, the students won’t get their sleep. Nobody will come to see the game if they’re crashed after up-all-night exhaustion.
6.) Change Coach K’s clocks:
If Coach K happens to miss the game, it’s hardly UNC’s fault, right? Then when the Dookies get to Cameron Stadium and don’t have a coach, what are they gonna do? They’re gonna have Grayson draw something up? It’d be ejection city after they trip all of our beloved Heels. Some brave student really should find a way to befriend Coach K.
5.) Blockade Duke’s streets:
Duke can’t play us if they can’t even get around campus! Bring some friends and a couple of big trucks, and drive really slow down Cameron Boulevard or Duke University Road. You might miss the game, but the idea is that the Blue Devils do, too. It would be a worthy sacrifice.
4.) Cover yourself in body paint:
Nothing is gonna make our basketball team play harder than seeing so many fans wearing their colors. It’s a tradition for a reason, you know. But especially don’t forget the body paint. ‘Cause once you’re done painting yourself up, you can smear it all over Dook. The least we can do is pretty up their campus a bit before we beat them.
3.) Push out Duke tailgaters:
Tailgating is all about territory. If UNC fans take all the best spots from the Dookies, we’ve already won the first battle. Get as many Tar Heel fans as you can, and get to Dook in the middle of the night if you have to. Head on to Towerview Drive and make sure WE control that campus.
2.) Just ignore Duke:
If everybody just refuses to acknowledge their presence, what can they even do? Just ignore them. Arrive at the game and start asking why Dook didn’t show up. No matter how much those Dookies try to yell, just act like you can’t hear. Eventually, we’ll get the refs to believe it, and there’s a free win by forfeit for the Tar Heels.
1.) Score some points for UNC:
There’s no better way to show some support for the Tar Heels than to join them on the court. Nothing says “I bleed Carolina blue” like landing a dunk over Grayson Allen’s head. And besides, who wouldn’t want a chance to be on TV playing for your school? You may get dragged off the court, but it’s guaranteed to be a story to tell the grandkids.