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Chancellor Proposes ‘Darts Everywhere’ Idea After Concerns About Increase in Incoming UNC Art Students

Chancellor Folt’s Arts Everywhere Day initiative, known for its painted pianos and free t-shirts, has increased the art on campus and has been used as a talking point to attract prospective students, particularly those interested in studying the arts. Days after the 2nd annual Arts Everywhere Day, the chancellor announced her new initiative: Darts Everywhere Day.

“The idea is simple,” said Folt in a campus-wide email. “Put dart boards in dorms, in classrooms, in the quad. Finally give students the outlet they need to express themselves athletically. The name says it all–put darts everywhere!”

Folt’s decision comes after a wave of criticism about the disparity between the money being poured into this initiative and the decaying Hanes Art building.

“I love Arts Everywhere day, I really do,” said art student Jamie Nelson. “I’m just asking for some of this energy about art to go into fixing our building and giving us funding for, say, the prints department.”

Instead of addressing desires for further Arts funding, Folt seemed keen to turn attention in a new direction.

“Make chairs out of darts!” the Chancellor’s email went on to say. “Turn the dining hall tables into dart boards! D A R T S !!!”

Some believe the initiative is a response to Arts Everywhere having drawn in too many prospective arts students.

“I don’t know how we’re going to support so many new students interested in art,” said a member of the administration, who wished to remain anonymous. “We just don’t have the money. Athletes, we can handle. But artists? Who’s going to buy season tickets to see Julie attach toilet paper to a book shelf for an hour?”

Other administrators were hopeful about the untapped darting potential that could be lying beneath the surface of the UNC student body.

“Athletics need support!” said Amy Smith, one of the Chancellor’s advisors. “Arts Everywhere day is pretty, but when we get down to it, maybe we need to stop focusing so much on arts students. Darts Everywhere will give every Tar Heel a chance to embrace their inner sportsperson. Anyone can throw darts! Maybe we’ll even turn out to have a few prodigies in the student population and start up a D-1 team.”

Renovations on Kenan Stadium are set to begin this year.

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