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6 Cornerstones Of The Confederacy That Still Need To Be Toppled, Starting With My Racist Stepdad Greg

At the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill, students destroyed that ugly statue dedicated to that guy that really just loves white people. It was an awesome scene, and in my opinion, we should be destroying more cornerstones of the Confederacy, starting with my fucking racist stepdad, Greg.

6.) First of all, Greg’s gotta go:
This guy—what a freakin’ trip. He called me this morning to let me know he was “disappointed” in me, and had to add for some reason that he’d be wearing his Confederate flag boxers to work today? Gotta go, Greg. 

5.) Also, unsweetened iced tea:
This stuff is honestly so offensive, I don’t even understand why Starbucks feels comfortable giving me this option. I would never dream of  putting something so horrid and bitter into my precious body. 

4.) And what about Waffle House?:
We don’t NEED houses built from waffles. Are you kidding me, it’s disgusting! And my God, Good Lord in Heaven, they’re e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e. If we’d have gotten rid of Waffle House a long time ago, we’d all be better off.

3.) Grits: 
I almost feel wrong even saying the word. Grits. Yuck. Big bowls of white mush made of CORN—talk about racist. If this half of the country doesn’t switch to porridge soon there will be hell to pay.

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2.) Those weird little lawn jockey guys:
Little Confederate statues out on every one of our grandmothers’ lawns, waving us in with their little hands and short statures. No sir, we will kick them all over before the day is out.

1.) And again, let me remind you of my step dad, Greg:
Who has called me three more times since writing this, yelling about how we’ve destroyed history and everything the racists of U.S. past fought for. Can’t wait to knock that guy down.

There are still so many cornerstones of the Confederacy that plague this country every day. If we work together we can make a change, starting with Greg. Fuck that guy.

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