At the end of last week it became apparent that many of the UNC “Class of” pages had been deleted. Whether it was because students were spamming them too much and the admins just didn’t feel like dealing with them anymore, or a more sinister reason (looking at you, Russia. You control Facebook, right?), students now have to fill the communication vacuum that is left by the pages’ deletion.
One of those students is senior Addie Albright, who lost a gold locket given to her by her grandmother somewhere between Sup Dogs and CVS on Franklin Street Friday night.
“I would’ve posted a blurry picture and a paragraph urging people to message me if they somehow found it on all of the Class pages,” she claimed. “Instead, I’ve had to spend all of my printing money for the semester making physical posters with the picture and paragraph. Hopefully some silent heroine who pees on campus will find my locket!”
Without the Class pages, Sophomore Dan Lowell was at a loss for how he would persuade people to take pity on him and answer his English 105 survey. That is, until Lowell happened to see a group of squirrels attacking a student for her sandwich.
“That’s when it hit me: homing squirrels! Like homing pigeons, but with squirrels,” Lowell explained excitedly.
He’s since gathered an army of 200 squirrels to send and receive his surveys to and from students all over campus. “It’s surprisingly been an enormous success,” Lowell claimed. “More students have been responding to my survey than if I’d used Facebook. In a way, I’m glad the class pages were shut down. Otherwise, I’d never have started United Postal Squirrels. Who knew getting off Facebook helps you get more done!”
Some students relied on the UNC Class pages more passively, finding entertainment through funny articles and memes posted by students working for various websites on the class pages.
“I miss perusing the UNC Class pages for all of the self-promo articles people used to post on there,” claimed junior Phil Hestor. “There were some talented writers out there! How am I supposed to find the next Ernest Hemingway now? By reading The Daily Tar Heel or something?”
As students grapple with the loss of the UNC Class pages, perhaps their disappearance will inspire students to get off Facebook and do something with their lives. Or maybe they’ll just spend all their time looking at memes of Carol Folt on the UNC Memes for Roy Loving Teens (or whatever it’s called now) Facebook Page.