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Following Cal Loss, Michael Jordan Appearance Only Reason To Attend Football Game

On Saturday, September 2nd, UNC Football took on the University of California, and the results were not what fans wanted to see.

“It’s finally game day; I’ve been waiting for this ever since I got my acceptance letter,” William Loft, a freshman exclaimed as his friends spray-painted him Carolina blue, “I’m not doing too much, am I? My mom is going to see me on TV, right?”

While many were very excited for football season and the new partnership with Jordan Brand, the feeling in the air after the game was something very different.

“That. Game. Was. Terrible,” said Erica Crew, leaving Kenan Memorial Stadium in shambles, “they let a freshman quarterback throw for 367 yards, I could’ve done better than that.”

The victory had few bright spots.

“Well, at least we have basketball season to look forward to,” states Calvin Ram, a loyal Carolina fan, “the only way that game would have been more bearable is if I could’ve bought a beer while watching it.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Ellie Ram noted, trying to cheer up her husband “plus I heard MJ’s coming to town for the Louisville game next Saturday. You like Mike. You’re a big boy! Yes you are! ”

The Louisville game will feature a visit from Michael Jordan, a halftime ceremony for the 2017 NCCA Basketball National Champions, our very own Tar Heels.

“Michael Jordan is the honorary team captain for the next game? Only a basketball school would allow a six-time NBA Champion to be the captain for a football game” Jeff Cable, a fed up senior exclaimed, “What’s next? The Jumpman symbol plastered on the side of the helmets instead of the NC symbol? Oh, wait, the practice helmets already have that. This is a joke, I’m done with this place. But I’m going to the rest of the games since my tickets are free.”


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