Grayson Allen trips people. This is a fat fact. No one really knows why. Maybe he gets some kind of thrill from it, or maybe he feels like he’s doing his team a huge injustice if he doesn’t trip the opposition. In order to get some answers prior to Thursday’s game, we sat down with Grayson Allen and talked about it with him.
The Black Sheep: Hey Grayson, thanks for doing this. What happened during that Florida State game?
Grayson Allen: During the game against Florida State I was feeling good, emotionally. You know?
TBS: Uh, why?
GA: Well, my confidence was sky-high because my mom had called me before the game to tell me, win or lose, she had macaroni and cheese waiting for me at home. I was feeling good; I love macaroni and cheese. But when the game started I felt scared. The Florida State players kept roughhousing me every time I tried to shoot the ball. I kept asking them nicely to stop but they wouldn’t listen. This game reminded me of games against UNC; they kept pushing me around, too. They were being so rude to us!
TBS: Was there some specific event that set you over the top?
GA: Yeah! At one point I was just trying to shoot a free throw and I made eye contact with one of the Florida State players and he started staring at me with crazy eyes and said to me, “Let’s get it on.” That was probably one of the scariest moments of my life and at that point I knew I just had to trip this man. Not just for me, but for the safety of my friends too.
TBS: After getting reprimanded for the Florida State game, we expected you to learn from your mistakes. What happened during the Louisville game, Grayson?
GA: Okay, so this one just wasn’t my fault at all. I drove to the basket then flailed my body in the air in a whirling dervish-like fashion and tossed up a prayer. The only reason why I didn’t make it was because while I was in the air the Louisville players kept calling me mean names.
TBS: What kind names were they calling you?
GA: Stuff like, “weenis” and “butthole” and “Tar Heel.” You know what hurts more than nuclear bombs? Words. So, when I hit the floor and lost the ball the Louisville player dribbling down the court deserved to join me on the floor.
TBS: Even during a game against a low-tier team like Elon– and after getting in trouble twice for tripping– why in the world did you trip someone again?
GA: Honestly, this wasn’t even about the game. My mom stole Ramses chicken nuggets before the game for my brother and I. I like eating them not just for the protein boost, but also because I love Rams. But for some reason my mom made 13 nuggets.
TBS: Sorry, what was the issue?
GA: So I told my brother that I get seven and he gets six, but when I got up to go to the bathroom, he FRICKEN ATE MY LAST NUGGET! I was so pooped off and I guess it just carried over to the game when I tripped that Elon player. Even after the incident I was still fuming on the bench about that last Ramses chicken nugget. Screw you, Graylon!
TBS: With the UNC vs Duke game coming up, do you think you will strike again on a Tar Heel?
GA: I’m not sure yet. Are they going to be mean to me?