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Tar Heels Channel Pain Through Napkin Talk

Napkin Talk has always been a much-utilized system for meal-plan users at UNC. Students scramble to express their displeasure about improperly-sliced pineapple or missing mac and cheese for all the dining hall to read, and “Put it on a napkin!” is an often-shared suggestion from one miffed diner to another.  Recently, though, Tar Heels have been attempting to take the system to the next level.

“I’ve been in a bit of a funk this last year,” explains sophomore Barry Samuels, “there’s just so much evil going on in the world and so few answers as to why. But then the other day, I posted on the napkin board at Rams asking if the turkey bacon at breakfast was permanent, and I got a response! They’re just trying it out! That’s when I realized that Napkin Talk could offer the solutions to all of my problems.”

Notes that Samuels has since posted include, “Why do bad things happen to good people?”, “Please include printer money in tuition!” and, “Can a man and a woman ever truly be friends?”

First-year Kasey McDonald has noticed Jones’ inquiries, and begun to make some of her own.

“I have an unlimited meal plan,” said McDonald, “So whenever a question or desire pops into my head, I’ve just been dropping into the nearest dining hall and pinning it on the napkin board. I’ve done everything from request Silent Sam be taken down to ask what makes us human!”

Other students have been catching on to the concept, and the Napkin Talk boards are papered with layers of inquisitive brown napkins.

“We’re doing our best,” said CDS spokesperson Janine Rivers, “but a lot of these notes are a little demanding. One student wrote asking about her boyfriend who cheated on her, and I gave her the best advice I could. But another guy requested stricter federal gun control laws, and that’s just not really under my jurisdiction.”

No word yet as to what makes us human, but it would seem that prospects of taking down Silent Sam remain slim. Why bad things happen to good people is still up for debate.

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