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UNC Seniors Coming To Grips With Old Age

At UNC, students go through an accelerated process of maturing from freshmen to seniors. UNC activities such as parties at DKE, earning Fever Points, and sitting in The Pit for hours are something freshmen know all too well. Often, seniors at UNC don’t do this anymore, simply because they no longer have the energy for it.


“I tried dancing on the DKE dance floor last night and just completely faced-planted off the stage into a crowd of people.” said Kenan Jones, a senior at North Carolina. “And we aren’t talking like a subtle, unnoticed fall, it was a full-on swan dive. I think at least 10 people approached me afterwards to see if I needed medical attention.”


Kenan, a once-thriving partier, can’t even wake up in time for an 11 a.m. tailgate before a UNC home football game.

“I tried waking up at 10 a.m. to tailgate at SAE after that night at DKE and my alarm didn’t even wake me up,” he said. “Actually, who am I kidding? I heard my alarm, I just couldn’t muster up the will to get my lazy ass out of bed and go to this thing that, in reality, I didn’t want to go to.”


All Carolina seniors are having similar experiences as Jones.


“I just feel like when I was a freshman, I did everything in order to get that classic freshmen experience.,” said Caroline Sloth, a fellow senior. “Parties, games, dorm hookups, you name it. Now, looking back, having no responsibility and a bunch of free time was like, really awesome. Actually having to look for a real job and planning for my future actually really…just… blows so much. I’m not ready for that shit yet.” 


“Yeah dude, I don’t know what happened to me,” said fellow senior Sammy Heineken. “One day I’m shotgunning a Frost Four Loko on Sig Nu’s back porch in under 10 seconds and the next day I can’t even get halfway through before yacking. Like, what?”


It pains seniors to accept that they just can’t hang anymore, as that is all they wish to do before moving on to the adult world.


“I don’t know, everyone keeps telling me to slow down and just accept that I’m a senior,” said Shannon Wells. “I refuse to accept it because age is just a number and I still have some life in me yet!”    

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