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UNC Students Become Suspicious of So-Called “Midterm Season”

With November here, courses at UNC are going steady, and Tar Heels are beginning to question if midterms will ever actually end. While some have resigned themselves to the endless time-warp of midterm season, others are determined to make their voices heard. This week, students took to the quad with picket signs to express their displeasure with the unjust curriculum.


“I’ve always trusted in the system,” said protester Chris Hanger, “But recently I realized that UNC has been playing me like a fiddle. I had my first midterm about two weeks into the school year, and was all excited for the break that would come before finals. But you know what? I have 3 more midterms in the next two weeks. This shit never ends.”


Signs at the demonstration expressed similar sentiments. One read “A season can’t last forever!” and another, “Constant testing should = constant puppies in Pit.” Students demanded rights, and refused to leave until their complaints were addressed.


12 hours into the protest, Dean of Testing William Billford stood on the steps of Wilson Library to make a statement. “The University of North Carolina regrets that students have been unsatisfied with testing schedules,” he said, “However, the situation is not one that we foresee changing any time in the near future, and we suggest that you all get back to studying if you want to make it out of here alive.”


Sociology major Kelsey Tinsley offered a theory on the absurd system. “It’s a way to offer false hope,” she explained, “You see, the way that they would have us believe it is that the semester goes: Start of school, no tests, midterms, no tests, finals. Seems pretty manageable, right? But the way that it actually ends up being is close to: move-in day, tests, tests, tests, tests, tests. They’re slowly breaking our spirits in a way that they think we can never trace back to them. Most people never guess that this whole school is designed to destroy young people’s self-esteem and social lives.”


Since Billford’s short statement, UNC has not offered any further attention to the protestors. Students remain in the quad, but numbers diminish as the activists are forced to leave so as not to miss their exams. Still, a few hold out for recognition.


“Chapel Hill needs to own their wrongdoings,” insists prevailer Carly Rutberg, “For $25,000 a year, we deserve some answers.”

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