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UNC Turns to Student Rickshaws to Prevent Bicycle Theft

The UNC Chapel Hill transportation department has recently made the decision to replace the new Bike Share program with a system of student-run rickshaws to prevent possible theft.

“We thought that leaving bikes around a college campus might be tempting to thieves, and stolen bikes are just a loss of money. We make students pay for potentially stolen silverware; do you seriously think we’re just going to give them full-on bike access?” said Marla Brown, a member of the transportation Advisory Committee and the creator of the new plan. “The rickshaws will all be manned by a student, so they’re secure at all times, and besides, who’d want to steal one in the first place?”

The program, affectionately dubbed “Ramshaws”, is set to begin soon. Students may currently apply to become a “Ramshaw jockey”, and those who are accepted will gain access to an exclusive LinkedIn group and a place in the hearts of their fellow students.

Jacob Pullman, one prospective jockey, says “It’s not just a convenience. I want to join because I think this’ll be the next big trend. Before you know it, Chapel Hill will be the premiere rickshaw racing town.”

Safety is a main concern for many of the program’s detractors, who point to the many loose bricks around campus as a dangerous hazard for the rickshaws.

“I think what people don’t realize,” Marla states, “is that it’ll be a lot safer than having a lot of bikes whizzing around. A rickshaw is much bigger, so it’s much easier to see it coming! And we’re planning to have students limit themselves to a walking pace anyway, so there’s no danger.”

“What? That’ll kill all the appeal!” Jacob claims. “Just think about it, you get one of these things, stick some spikes on the tires, it could become a real competition! But nobody’s gonna want to see that when everybody’s moving slow like they’ve got lead tires or something!”

The old Bike Share bicycles are currently set to be melted down into new forks and knives for the dining halls to make way for the Ramshaws.

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