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UNT Forced to Apologize After Accidentally Getting Bill Nye’s Loser Brother, Phil Nye, To Speak

 

The University of North Texas issued an apology after a Distinguished Lecture series went awry when the university accidentally hired Phil Nye, brother of Bill Nye.

 

“The University of North Texas would like to sincerely apologize to the students who attended the sold-out Distinguished Lecture series,” began university President Neal Smatresk’s statement. “To all attendees who sat in the first three seats and were not told that those comprised the “splash zone,” we apologize. To those who accidentally bought Orlando timeshares ostensibly sold by Mr. Phil Nye, we apologize and will deduct that amount from your tuition. And, especially to those were called up on stage as assistants, we will pay all medical expenses.”

 

Student eyewitnesses described the show as “bizarre,” “unsettling,” “death-defying,” and “containing the worst cover of Defy Gravity I’ve ever heard.”

 

“He was like an unstable mix of David Blaine and a used car salesman. I’ve never seen anything like it,” Jameson said to us, staring off in the distance, struck by the horror of remembering. “It was odd but somewhat enjoyable initially, particularly the Gopher Trick. But then, when he intentionally set his hand on fire, I mean…you saw the news reports. It got pretty ugly.”

 

Bill Nye himself expressed sincere regret at the mix-up and deep shame for his brother’s actions.

 

“Yup, sounds like Phil,” said a visibly cranky and perturbed Nye, bow tie askew. “That slimy little snake sneaks up on you in and bites ya in the worst way. And the worst part is that he’s so persuasive! I totally understand how those students got conned into being his assistants. He made me do the Science Guy with him as the show executive producer, and HIS lawyers wrote the contract, so I didn’t get a single cut of the profits! Unbelievable.” Nye sat fuming for a few moments before mumbling to our reporter, “that Gopher Trick is pretty cool though.”

 

The Phil Nye camp, when reached for comment, only responded with a receipt of the Black Sheep’s purchase of six time-shares.

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