As students begrudgingly head back to UNT’s campus, many will be rolling back to campus. The formerly sneaker-trodden sidewalks of North Texas are expected to be filled with many more tire tracks as students break out their new Hoverboards.
“If Pixar’s WALL-E taught me anything, it’s that in the future I’ll never have to walk,” UNT student, Tony Walkman raved.”2015 has been the coolest, now I can Snapchat story my miles per hour while riding.” Tony added about his newly-gifted invention.
However, the influx of Hoverboards also brought some copy-cat brands that have been exploding right under people’s feet. The off- brand Hoverboards have been recalled as scams that are a potential threat to the users safety. Many UNT students with frugal parents learned the hard way this holiday season that their parents love them a little less.
One unloved student, Walker Davis, spoke up about his flaming board. “My Dad has always been frugal, but I thought his couponing habits would be put aside for my safety,” he continued, recalling the fond moments of buying 14 bottles of ketchup on sale with his dad. “I guess my dad was trying to light a fire under me,” added Walker.
Due to these unloved children’s mischievous boards, UNT has taken extra precaution to prevent on-campus damage. Professors now will be designating areas in the classroom for those who chose to rub their Hoverboards in the faces of the less fortunate. Bike racks and skateboard racks may be obsolete in the coming semesters as the fronts of classrooms are marked as the area for the lazy students’ version of a motorized wheelchair.
UNT police have spoken up about the precautions of the newly designated areas stating “the roped-off areas in class will be complete with five fire extinguishers. Students are asked to place Hoverboards that cost less than $100 closest to the doorway.”
Some professors have taken this as a new opportunity to offer incentive to come to class by placing s’more equipment nearby. Other uses for the explosive boards include ignition for next year’s Homecoming Bonfire and Kerr Cafeteria’s new cooking heat source.
Biochemistry major Martin Coats told The Black Sheep “I see these new gadgets as a survival of the fittest opportunity,” Coats believes the 2015 Hoverboard explosions are an event “not even Darwin could predict.”
Professors are asking students who ask too many questions in class to sit as close to the designated explosion areas as possible. The department of political science is particularly supportive of this opportunity to eliminate their outspoken activist-driven students.
As the millennial generation uses these explosive devices to eliminate exercise from their daily routine, UNT will continue to take the precautions needed for all students’ safety. Students can expect to see these designated areas in almost all classrooms this Spring. The extinguishers are foreseen to arrive in the first couple days of classes; it has been advised that professors avoid spraying students during tests, regardless of temptation.