This is a map to show you the best places to light up some grass for those of you who enjoy the marijuana. While you could do the tried and true “stuff the towel into the dorm door and blow smoke through a complex series of dryer sheets and paper towel rolls,” it might just be easier to run off to one of these well hidden and not at all conspicuous places on campus.
Right by I-35:
The sound of cars rushing past you at 70 miles per hour can be uncomfortable, but the location is absolutely perfect for a marijuana cigarette. Cars whirring past do not care about what you’re doing, as they hardly care about what they are doing besides texting their friends that they’re gong to be a little late. Bring yourself a tent, and then you’re even more protected from the elements! Hell, camp out there for a few days/weeks! Freedom never felt so free!
This one is a little bit risky. Apogee Stadium is the home of the Eagles and thus protected much like a nest. In the dead of night, one might be able to breach the nest and light up from within. A high level of difficulty is involved in this location, and it should be reserved for the most skilled pot-smoking eagles among us, but it’s worth it.
Amongst the Squirrels:
When elevating, it is always important to be involved with nature in someway. The squirrels that populate the space, which formerly served as the dining ground for the food pavilion, serve as good company for a smoke session. Make sure to bring enough for yourself and at least 8 squirrels, because the squirrels have grown violent over the years especially when it comes to drugs. The Albino Squirrel doesn’t have red eyes because of genetics, if you know what we mean.
Along UNT’s Art Path:
During the day it might be too obvious to everyone that weed is indeed what you’re smoking, so take a walk along UNT’s Art Path. You can stare into the eyes of a camel carcass or two dead-eyed children (?) looking into their eyes before being cast in hot bronze sealed them in their eternal fate on campus. Oh god, you’re freaking out now. Better move on.
The Union garden is one of the best places on campus because no one is ever there. That’s really all there is to this one. It is a barren wasteland of student neglect.
The Pohl Rec Center Rock Wall:
Once you climb high enough on the wall, you are invincible. You are completely safe from all harm and thus completely free to do your drugs. Enjoy the light of the sun as it bathes you and your spirit becomes one with the eagle. It is the epitome of UNT spirit.
While there are never any completely “safe” places to smoke the devil’s lettuce – especially once the shivering paranoia sets in – our researchers have tested and re-tested these places to be the best. That being said,
when if you get caught, don’t go blaming us like some albino rodent.