UNT students got a shock this week with a surprising new outfit on their beloved eagle. Scrappy took it upon himself this Valentine’s to dress in an adult diaper, removing his regular UNT-jersey attire and replacing it with a full-blown Cupid outfit and shoot students with an arrow at any given moment. Scrappy plans to commit completely to his role of Cupid for students this week.
In a private interview with Scrappy, UNT’s mascot let The Black Sheep in on his inspiration. “With the holiday approaching, Cupid was the obvious choice. And after just watching The Revenant, my inspiration to shoot arrows was at an all time high. My ultimate goal is to make Tom Hardy proud while helping UNT students fall in love.”
This week in the Library Mall, Scrappy intends to play matchmaker for the single students on campus. The UNT Clinic is prepping for the first love bug to bite, as clinic doctors are giving out the antidote to Scrappy-Cupid’s arrow for a small fee in the case of unwanted matches. The antidote is a combination of the fertilizer in the Union Garden and mustard. Those students who are allergic to penicillin are asked to avoid Scrappy-Cupid at all costs, no matter how decrepitly lonely they are.
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No arrows have been fired to date, but one student, senior Mike Tassel described his encounter with Scrappy-Cupid on Monday. “ I saw Scrappy this morning on my way to class, but instead of a jersey he was in a diaper, at first I thought he was incontinent, but upon further examination of his arrows, the Valentine’s spirit engulfed me and I knew what Scrappy was set out to do this week.” Mike continued, “I plan to be a target of Scrappy-Cupid’s love arrow and find the match made for me.”
“The adult diaper actually helps me with the aim of my arrow, the tight grip of Depends gives me excellent stability while I find the student who needs a mate,” Scrappy explained in asserting it “did more than limit his bathroom breaks, allowing him to stay on campus longer.”
This Thursday, Scrappy will remain in Cupid attire for the UNT Women’s basketball game against Old Dominion. The game takes place at the Super Pit at 7 p.m. and a Scrappy-Cupid sighting is anticipated by many single UNT students desperate for love, no matter the consequences of what strange concoction might tip our beloved mascot’s arrows. Scrappy-Cupid is very confident in his love potion, that he told us once someone has been hit with the end of his love arrow, they will fall madly in love with the next person they encounter.
The elements behind the arrows include bubblegum and toothpaste, two known pheromones in 2016. However, these pheromones are not just perceptible to people. The UNT chemistry department informed Scrappy his dangerous concoction might potentially allure animals as well as people, so students are asked to avoid hanging out too close to squirrels for fear of new relationships blossoming under the trees.