What on-campus student hasn’t looked up at their dorm and thought, “Gee, what beloved Christmas movie character does this remind me of?” Well, The Black Sheep anticipates such questions, and as a Christmas gift to you, our subscribers and donors of Christmas tips for the laughs incurred (please please please), here is a list of what dorms are what Christmas characters, peer-reviewed, independently-verified, and scientifically tested to be 100% accurate.
Bruce Hall: Schroeder from A Charlie Brown Christmas
Bruce Hall is the primary source of wonderful music for all of UNT to hear, much like Schroeder of Peanuts fame. Not coincidentally, Bruce also has the equivalent of a Lucy, someone who constantly bugs Schroeder to play for her. That someone is the entire rest of UNT.
Clark Hall: Buddy the Elf from Elf
Clark Hall holds all your friends that are way more excited about college than anyone else. Like Buddy the Elf, they are pretty jazzed about it all. But somebody’s gotta be! Sing that Christmas cheer loud for all to hear! We’ll be crying in Willis.
College Inn: George Bailey in It’s A Wonderful Life
Much like the protagonist of this movie, if you’re living in College Inn all cold and isolated waaaaay at the edge of campus, you’re probably starting off the Christmas season looking over the edge of the railing too thinking about how much life sucks right now . But hey! Christmastime is rough. You’re gonna be okay! Just like George Bailey!
Crumley Hall: The Wizard from Santa Claus Is Coming To Town
The Wizard knows all, sees all, and is very frosty. From the Crumley Castle in the middle of campus, one can see everything and acquire a knowledge of all things that pass in front of and through these ancient doors.
Honors Hall: Kevin from Home Alone
Honors, also on the far end of campus, spends a lot of time by itself but, if you live here, you’re supposedly (supposedly) smarter than the average bear, like the wiley Mr. McCallister. But the big thing is that you’re probably spending a lot of time alone.
Kerr Hall: The Grinch from How The Grinch Stole Christmas
Two main commonalities between Kerr and the Grinch – everyone has seen both, and both are really gross. Seriously. I knew someone who had a cricket infestation in their room in Kerr. Ugh. UGH.
Legends Hall: Clark Griswold from Christmas Vacation
If you’re living in Legends, you’re trying to hang on to the glory days. And this is gonna be the most glorious Christmas yet, right gang? Be careful with those lights!
Maple Hall: Willie T. Stokes from Bad Santa
Your friend who does a ton of drugs lives in Maple, thus Willie Stokes.
Mozart Square: Old Man Marley from Home Alone
You forget about Mozart Square all the time, but your friend from there always comes in clutch when you need ‘em, like Old Man Marley. Preferably you need them for something besides incapacitating home invaders, though.
Rawlins Hall: Arthur Christmas from Arthur Christmas
Too early to tell the influence of either one just yet. A Christmas present to unwrap in the future, maybe? Hohohohohoho!
Santa Fe Square: Fred Claus from Fred Claus
Sante Fe Square is the forgotten younger brother of Traditions, much like Fred Claus is the forgotten younger brother of Santa. How sad.
Traditions Hall: Scrooge McDuck from Mickey’s Christmas Carol
Humbug! You’ve got the cash behind you to live on your own, you lil’ walking Moneybag. Have fun diving into your swimming pool of gold coins.
Victory Hall: Leg Lamp from A Christmas Story
Shining from across the highway like a beacon of hope and the recipient of most of the University’s money, Victory Hall at night is aglow, like the legendary Leg Lamp in the window, illuminating Cleveland Street with its iridescent, timeless beauty.
West Hall: Woody from Toy Story That Time Forgot
Did you know that there was a Toy Story Christmas special? Me neither! But West Hall is Woody because West is sensible and spirited, like the most rootinest tootinest cowboy!