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UNT President Smatresk Frantically Purges Online Store of Other Embarrassing Oversights

“Listen it’s an honest mistake,” UNT President Smatresk told reporters Thursday afternoon. “This is just the immature internet finding something silly and going nuts about it. Like when Jason Lee bought Denton and became supreme leader and everyone went crazy.” 

 

President Smatresk was later seen at his desk, deleting items from the university’s online bookstore. “Not sure how these even made it past the design stage,” he muttered to himself, shaking his head while deleting a “I’m a UNT-Face” t-shirt and a “Spread Your Wings Like a UNT Eagle!” magnet. 

 

“Back in my day people used to just drink out of coffee mugs, yano? My old man had a mug from his soccer team, the Ontario Catholic Kickers, and no one felt the need to go post that on the internet with some snarky remark,” the president continued.  “The Kickers never had to deal with people saying they didn’t pay attention to detail. Never had people emailing them mean jokes that make me feel bad about myself and my school.” 

 

Whether President Smatresk will laugh this off and thank the universe his university is finally in the spotlight for non-depressing reasons will yet to be seen; same goes for whether he’ll be asking other clubs, such as the Concessions at University of North Texas, and Hail And Ice Rain-Y Chasers: University of North Texas Staff, to change their names will be an upcoming decision as well. 

 

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