This week on campus many men were spotted passing out books made for ants. However, these free handouts are not what most Republicans complain about, but instead miniature spiritual books about a small village growing under the university’s campus.
“I found the small village a few months ago,” Jason Plutarsky, the book’s author, told The Black Sheep. “I sat with the people of the village for three weeks to learn their traditions and social norms. I studied the villagers during those three weeks and wrote down each custom of their culture. I wrote this tiny book to let the rest of Denton know what secrets lie beneath their feet.” Plutarsky has disguised this book of villager customs with a secret title so the villagers are unsuspecting that their rulebook is being published.
The title of the book has disillusioned most students who, upon picking up the book and reading “The New Testament,” thought the books were from the Christian church. However, with further investigation many students discovered these tiny books were definitely not church related. “The part about barfing three times after hula-hooping really threw me off,” said UNT theology major Aly Green. “When it said ‘New Testament’ I was looking more for Jesus wept type of quotes. I think it’s a little blasphemous to use that as the title…”
“I just think this little village thing, and their rules about licking each toenail before mealtime seems a little suspicious, someone should check if this Plutarsky guy is sane,” Aly continued.
After picking up the miniature book made for dwarfs and people with tiny hands, creative writing professor Judy Sanchez told The Black Sheep, “This exact story was turned in as a final assignment in my class one year, kid had some Pluto like name, obsessed with dwarf planets and dwarf like things. If you read this book, it’s about dwarfs, like all of it.” Professor Sanchez mentioned the assignment was to write a final paper about the student’s grandparents. “When I received this piece of garbage, I had a lot of questions about this kid’s grandparents.”
Many students have been wondering who these men on campus are and what they want from the students. After talking to David Barns, the 55-year-old stranger passing out the books by the Environmental Science Building, it was discovered Plutarsky hired the men so he could remain anonymous on campus. Barns told The Black Sheep that Plutarsky “offered me two plastic miniature dwarf feet tied together with a shoe lace, how could I say no to a gig with that kind of offer?”
The men on campus are supposed to continue handing out their tiny books for the remainder of the week. Students may or may not participate in reading about the underground world Plutarsky claims to be real. For those students who picked up the book this week in hopes to find a deeper meaning of life, the Christian organizations on campus apologize for the disillusionment.