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5 Northern Arizona Majors Renamed To Fit What They Actually Are Pt. 2

A major is nothing more than a stamp that NAU puts on you so they can monitor your next four years.  Your friends, family, and even people you don’t know will use your major as a precious little weapon to judge you, nitpicking every stereotype that comes along with it. To figure out what other people think of your major, here are 5 more Northern Arizona majors renamed to fit what they actually are: 

5.) Environmental science A.K.A the semi-peaceful protesters:
Students with this degree want to make the world a better place; they just lack the know-how. You can usually see them actively protesting on campus to save peacocks, pine trees or whatever is next on Mother Earth’s agenda for extinction. However, be weary of these environmental science students.  It’s rumored that one student once killed a man in the SBS West building for saying, “global warming is a joke.”

4.) Art education A.K.A the freakishly creative:
Everyone knows someone like this, and if you don’t, you’re probably a part of the group. These students weren’t good at sports, being popular or even reading.  However, they kicked your ass in art class, and to this day you resent them for mocking you because you called black a color. Nonetheless, they’re oddly creative. The Black Sheep has seen them take at a pile of dog shit and turn it into something they can sell at Flagstaff’s next Fist Friday Art Walk.  

3.) English A.K.A the grammar Nazis:
English students can be found at Scholar’s Corner, the coffee shop located in Cline Library. As you approach these individuals with money to do your essays, just remember Cline is their sanctuary and you must adhere to their rules. Rule 1) all cups of coffee are to have designated saucers. Rule 2) you must use the right form of “there” and “your” in their group chats.  Lastly, Rule 3) don’t bother them on Saturdays because Scholars’ Corner is closed then.

2.) Biomedical science A.K.A the long haulers:
Becoming a doctor takes years of patience, practice, and giving up a social life.  Therefore, this degree isn’t for the light-hearted, especially when you’re dissecting multiple animals that the environmental science students failed to protect. One day you will put on those scrubs and people will call you doctor, but until then, enjoy the long haul and Ramen, as it will probably take you another eight years after you get your biomedical degree to become a doctor.

1.) Criminal justice A.K.A the cooler sociology:
Criminal justice majors do everything sociology majors do, except cooler. Criminal justice is like Batman, and sociology is like Robin—when they’re together, they fight crime. There is even a criminal justice club on campus, whose mission statement reads: “Anyone who has a passion for fighting crime may join.  The club is only open to declared badasses whose major or minor is in criminal justice.”  Criminal justice is just a cooler sociology.

Just remember majors are nothing more than titles to prove that you made something out of yourself. Plus, to find the truth, you’ll have to look at the stereotypes.


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