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Leaked Email from President Rita Cheng Reveals She’s Planning To Not Have Any Snow Days This Year

From making certain parking areas require a parking pass (despite being previously free parking) to increasing the freshman acceptance rate to a ridiculously high number in just one year, it’s easy to say not everyone is a fan of what Rita Cheng does.

One of her most infamous gaffes was the lack of snow days last year, despite the very large amount of regular snowfall during the winter months. An email was recently leaked that reveals that Rita Cheng plans to do the same this year, as she explains to NAU staff in the following email.

To Northern Arizona University Faculty,

As you are all making preparations for the semester ahead, I’m sure you are all wondering how the winter season will be handled. I am letting you all know that I would advise against setting aside days for classes cancelled due to inclement weather, as I have decided that there will be no snow days.

There has been a lot of concern over why I am making this decision, and whether or not I’m concerned about the possibility of students being entirely incapable of coming to class if there is too much snow. I don’t care; school is most important. I repeat: I DO NOT CARE. I didn’t accept another million freshmen this year so they couldn’t come to school and make use of all the money they’re spending. I don’t care if there is a foot of snow like last year when we also didn’t have any snow days; they can find a way to class. Do not excuse any absences, no exceptions.

I’ve also decided that we should not shovel walkways and we will cut off all heat to the campus. If students want heat or snow removal, then they can pay an additional $1,200 to sign up for the new heating program, which will allow them to have blankets for their dorm rooms, and a shovel so they can shovel their own way around campus. We’ll be able to make more money, plus it will help get students more involved around campus.

As a last note, I ask all NAU staff to please make an effort to dispel the rumor that I am a lizard person. I do not know how it is this rumor/joke started, but it is getting on my nerves and I would like for it to stop.

Unrelated, if anyone sees any deliveries of very large heat lamps and boxes of sand, please direct them to my office, so my secretary can take care of it.

From the desk of Northern Arizona University President Rita Cheng

Looks like NAU students better get their layers out and start working on shoveling; it seems we’ll be in for quite a winter this year.

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