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NAU Freshmen Dormoscopes

With the school year beginning and a fresh onslaught of freshmen heading to NAU’s campus, the question on their moldable young minds is a resounding, “Who am I?” What freshmen don’t know, and what they will soon realize, is where they live this fateful year will shape their lives forever.

Allen Hall:
If there is one group of people who are more eager and likely to meet the love of their lives at NAU it is the residents of Allen Hall. True love will come to these freshmen eventually, even if that means going all the way to McConnell. However, on the road to true love Allenians will have their share of heartache and STD scares. Allenians rarely sleep alone, and quickly become experts at squeezing two people into a twin sized bed. This is a skill that will come in handy when they are living in a two-bedroom apartment with three kids as they ponder how much good that English/psychology degree did them.

Sechrist Hall:
Sechrist is the tallest building in Flagstaff, and it needs to be, considering the fact that it is home to the biggest personalities of any freshman class. Even freshmen who never ever ever thought Greek life would be part of their college experience will find themselves in the some of the biggest brotherhoods on campus. Growing in a lively environment such as Sechrist instills a huge sense of lifelong confidence and a friendly disposition. Unfortunately, because of this confidence Sechristers essentially feed off of the attention of others, and age at an alarmingly accelerated rate when they receive constant oohs and ahhs.

Riley Hall:
Riley Hall is the chief exporter of social justice warriors in Flagstaff. It is an incredibly diverse ecosystem for activists to flyer about, from the environment and political issues, to human rights and everything in between. If you need a cup of granola or an extra backpack for your upcoming Humphries hike, Riley is you one-stop shop. Because of their propensity to take up a cause, their caring nature, and love of the outdoors, Rileys are mostly likely to become Flagstaff townies after college. Trust us when we say they’ll be working at a co-op, biking to their barista job, or seen twiddling their moustache while reading a Vonnegut novel.

McConnell Hall:
By and large, the residents of McConnell are the most athletic of any Lumberjack. They are the most likely hall to produce winning tributes were there to be an NAU wide Hunger Games. It’s likely people will forget the residents of this hall even exist, as south campus is place that no one willingly goes without a prerequisite to complete. For this reason, McConnellites will reach out to the masses of north campus, leaving them to a lifelong knack for networking.

Cowden Hall:
Cowden is an honors dorm, so it’s safe to assume that they are the crown jewel of the NAU intelligencia. And while that may be true, Cowden kids also know how to party. It’s very much a business in the front, party in the back kind of environment. This sort of double life can be taxing on freshmen, but it also serves as a gateway to caffeine addiction. In other words, a gateway to success. Cowdeners will become highly functioning students and workers when they enter the private sector, but not to worry, they’ll still know how to rip a bong like a champ well in to their forties.

We at The Black Sheep hope that your dorm assignment didn’t screw you over too bad. Check back in with us in a year when you’re a whole, new you!

 

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