Thinking that suffering through finals week is the worst possible thing that could happen on campus? Think again! The Black Sheep is here to remind you that sad things are all around you, always! Yay! Take a look at some things that will drag you further down into that rabbit hole of despair.
5.) The rows of books in the basement of Hes:
The only action these guys see is the occasional couple making out against their shelves and a lone librarian doing inventory once a year. If you had to sit through endless bouts of quiet nothingness only to be interrupted by hormonal college kids swapping spit, you would be depressed, too.
4.) The post-Hallofeve walk of shame:
Halloween is by far the most popular date for on-campus casual hookups, so it’s no surprise that the day after can be a mess. Step right up to see sexy (and slightly disheveled) cats, nurses, hippies, and Risky Business-es stroll across God Quad, with their beer-soaked heels in hand.
3.) The late-night workers at Taco Hut:
Every time you compare yourself to Jenny with that cool NYC design internship, just remember: you could be selling artificial taco meat to a bunch of drunken college savages at 2 AM on a Friday night. Have you ever looked into their eyes as they hand you that Crunchwrap Supreme? A pain like that can only be imagined.
2.) The Debart water fountain:
You can practically see the underused metal hinges rusting in these useless water receptacles. Its entire life is an constant state of disappointment and rejection. You only have to deal with finals’ week once a year; this thing will be neglected forever.
1.) Father Jenkins’ desperate, thinly-veiled attempts to make students like him:
Everyone can see right through his flimsy handshakes and painfully awkward lack of eye contact.
It’s really just embarrassing at this point. #FatherTedforlife
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