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5 People Notre Dame Students Avoid Eye Contact With

It’s an unspoken rule at Notre Dame: you’re on your way to class, at the library, or just strolling around campus, and you see someone walking by you. What do you do? Avoid eye contact with them, obviously. Possibly offensive, but good training for the future when you’re making your daily commute from the suburbs into Chicago, avoiding eye contact with dozens of homeless people asking you for money.

5.) The dining hall workers:
Everyone knows the struggle; you’re just trying to dash into North to grab some shakshouka or whatever odd dish they made today in an effort to be more culturally diverse, and then some dining hall worker approaches you smiling, looking like they want to talk. Oh no! Before they can ask you how your day is, or say they remind you of their grandchild, duck your head and look away. Make sure everyone knows you don’t have time to say hello to them because you’re a very busy and serious Mendoza student.

4.) Random dude you hooked up with at Feve:
Walking across South Quad, you spot Tommy, the boy you sloppily made out with behind the upper bar two weekends ago. Should you say hi? Does he even remember you? It’s been two weeks and you were both pretty drunk that night; it’s embarrassing that you still remember his name, honestly. Make sure he knows he’s just one of many. Walk right by him without giving him a second glance. That’ll definitely pique his interest, and he’ll be sure to slide into your Instagram DMs tonight after parietals.

3.) Know-it-all girl who’s in most of your classes:
Everyone knows that one insanely smart girl who is in at least three of your classes. You’ve never actually had a real conversation with her other than the standard Notre Dame intro, but anytime there’s a project for class due you’ll be sure to hop in her group just so you can snag that “A.” She seems nice enough, but when you see her at LaFun grabbing a snack from the Huddle, don’t look her in the eye. She’s smart enough that she might have crazy Medusa powers, or something like that.

2.) Your professors:
It’s always especially jarring to see your professors out and about, maybe on Eddy Street or in ABP or anywhere else other than in O’Shag during normal business hours, where you assume they live their entire lives. When you see Arthur Lim walking across South Quad and realize that he does NOT in fact make his residence inside Hayes-Healy, don’t panic. Calmly avert your eyes and act like you’ve never seen him before in your life. You might have to skip office hours that week to avoid awkwardness, but hey, it’s totally worth it.

1.) Literally anyone walking to class:
One of the most difficult feats (but an honorable pursuit) is to avoid eye contact with everyone you encounter on the walk to your 10:30 a.m. stats class in DeBart. Probably every single person who you met at Domerfest freshman year is also on their way in or out of DeBart, but you definitely shouldn’t give any indication you know that they exist. The champs who make it out of these uncomfortable situations alive are the kids who wear hoods and earbuds while walking. The Black Sheep applauds you for this. There’s an eye-shaped trophy waiting for the person who can make the most people uncomfortable.

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