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The 7 Deadly Sins of Notre Dame

Notre Dame is filled with a bunch of rule followers – that’s obvious. But we’re not talking about Du Lac – we’re talking about the unspoken set of secret rules that every Notre Dame student instinctively follows. Breaking even just one of these constitutes the biggest faux-pas that any ND student could possibly commit. These are Notre Dame’s seven deadly sins.

7.) ENVY — Not wearing L. L. Bean boots in the winter:
Are they needlessly expensive? Yes. Does absolutely everyone have them? Yes. Are they ugly? Kinda. Does any of this matter? NO. Buy them, wear them, love them, and never question them.

6.) PRIDE — Drinking anything other than Natty Light at a house party:
If you show up to a party with a couple of Coronas in hand, you might as well kick yourself out. Drinking the literal piss water that is Natty Light is a non-negotiable Notre Dame social convention. It’s not as if these boujee Notre Dame fuckers couldn’t buy nice beer with Daddy’s credit card. They can, but they won’t, because that would be borderline sacrilegious. If you can’t take the Natty Light, get out of the house party.

5.) GLUTTONY — Showing up to a football game sober:
Yes, it’s true, everyone needs that one responsible friend that physically holds them up during the game so that the usher doesn’t kick them out, but no one wants to be that person. In fact, during the winter, being hammered is basically a necessity – that liquor coat isn’t going to drink itself! If you find yourself wanting to pass on that last lukewarm beer, just remember the official Irish motto: “we win, we lose, we booze.”

4.) GREED — Not taking a picture of the Dome as you walk by:
Imagine a scenario: a student is taking a casual stroll across God Quad. They look up, and notice the Dome shining beautifully in the midday sun. Preoccupied with queuing Taylor Swift’s new album on Spotify, they ignore it and coolly walk past. Heads across the campus turn in rage and alarm, and the student is shunned for the next 3.7 years.

3.) SLOTH — Neglecting to open a door for someone within 100ft:
This school isn’t some trashy beer-drenched frat house where anything goes. This is Notre Fucking Dame. And at Notre Dame, letting the door close without checking to see if someone is coming behind you is right up there with laughing in church. Make your mothers proud, people – hold those doors.

2.) LUST — Failing to fangirl over an athlete:
Did you know that athletes actually attend this school? Incredible! Was an athlete really spotted in public if five people don’t post not-so-sly recordings of him on their Snapchat stories? Or whisper and point as the athlete posse passes by in the dining hall? Or drunkenly ask for their pictures in bars? Don’t act like you don’t do it all the time.

1.) WRATH — Stealing someone’s “spot” in class:
This may seem like an unspoken rule at any campus, but it’s especially true at Notre Dame – these nerds don’t mess around with their learning environment. From the first day of class until the very last, the third seat in the fifth row next to the window is yours, and don’t let anyone tell you different. There’s nothing more terrifying than the glare you get from a student whose seat you’ve just stolen.

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