Daughter of satanic damnation and junior Saint Mary’s nursing student Lilith d’Sanguinar spent the early hours of her Friday night preparing her costume for the night’s Halloween festivities.
“I’m going as a kitten,” said d’Sanguinar, affixing a pair of costume cat ears in front of her enormous keratinous horns, “but like, a sexy kitten.” The physical manifestation of the cardinal sin of lust has counted the fall season as one of her favorites since ascending from the second circle of hell.
“I was sent to inspire sin in the hearts of the weak of faith, but also I just really want to have that classic college experience, you know?”
The hellborne affront to nature noted tension in her relationship with her father:
“Daddy only seems to be interested in what boy I happen to be demonically seducing and sucking the life out of. He expects me to be this perfect example of unholy temptation, stealing the virginity of schoolboys and smothering newborns in the crib. Like, I get it, you’re Satan and I have to live up to that, but sometimes I just want to live my own life.”
D’Sanguinar had heard about a dorm party in the Fisher 3A quad, and planned on “taking the sluttle over and having a good time” before selecting a boy from which to claim his lifeforce. She wanted to maximize her chances of catching said male’s attention, so she wore a slinky black catsuit, immaculately applied her makeup, and threw a handful of chicken bones onto the pentagram carved into her dorm room floor while chanting repeatedly “Mrralgh voluptum iivighthen doress.”
Despite d’Sanguinar’s excitement for the night’s festivities, other students at Saint Mary’s College have raised concerns about how her behavior reflects upon the institution.
“Listen, I love Lily, but sometimes she just takes it a little too far,” said Saint Mary’s senior Hope McNeil. “I don’t want to shame anyone for their sexuality, but sometimes I feel like she chases after all the boys because of some underlying issues with her father. And that one time she seduced an entire monastery before locking all of the doors and setting the building on fire with all of the monks still inside? So not cool.”
The Black Sheep was unable to contact d’Sanguinar directly for follow up on her Friday night, but it was reported that a sophomore in Fisher was found unconscious in his single, aged by nearly 50 years. At around 2 a.m. there were also multiple fires reported at Catholic churches in the tri-county area.