After five whole weeks of Notre Dame football, it’s become apparent that many freshmen feel they still need to be wearing The Shirt whether they’ve washed it or not. Fans cannot be certain whether the Irish will win or lose, but they can count on the cloud of stink to linger above the freshmen section.
New evidence suggests that since their transition from home life to dorm life, most freshmen have not yet learned to do laundry in their new dorms. Due to the unusual amount of home games in the first half of the season, this means that the freshmen have worn The Shirt for a record-breaking four games in five weeks.
“Yeah it’s been really hot for a lot of these games,” said freshman Chrissy Ames. “Like, my shirt’s pretty sweaty but I have to support my team. Plus, I sold all my Tide Pods for beer money. I have perfume, it’s fine.”
Sophomore Jessica McNamara said she had to leave the game because of the stench. “I have really bad asthma, and the minute I stood up in the stadium, the smell hit me, and I couldn’t stop coughing. I had to leave the game.”
“The smell is just awful,” said Ryan Lewis, another sophomore. “I do get it though. I thought you HAD to wear The Shirt for all home games when I was a freshman, but my god, at least spray it with some Febreze.”
Notre Dame Stadium has taken into consideration the smell of the freshmen, and has announced that during the Pitt game, they will be handing freshmen two car air fresheners to hang from each armpit, similar to the “33 Trucking” hats that were distributed last year.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.