Every Notre Dame student knows their dorm is the best, but the real question is, where would the sorting hat place your residence hall? Wonder no longer. Turns out the Sorting Hat made a trip to Notre Dame and sorted all the “first years” into their respective houses.
Notable Qualities: Courage, Bravery, Chivalry, Nerve
Dorms: Fisher, Lewis, Keenan, Steds, Sorin, Walsh, Stanford, Farley, PW
Yes, most assume Gryffindor are the heroes of the story, but being in Gryffindor is a bit of a mixed bag. Some dorms are like Harry, but some are more like Ron, or like Neville Longbottom.
Fisher is sorted into Gryffindor not only because of the Regatta, but because men of Fisher are some of the bravest on all of campus simply for living in Fisher.
Lewis earns its place for one of the greatest nights of the year, LHOP, which is only topped by the Keenan Revue.
Steds and Sorin, cool locations—reminiscent of that climb through the portrait hole we all wished we could have made. Also, Sorin, thanks for facing the bats. You are truly courageous.
Stanford and Farley, congrats on Hall of the Year. Everyone knows Gryffindor’s greatest quality is their ability to win meaningless honors a disproportionate amount of the time.
Speaking of, Walsh has too many Hall of the Year victories to even count.
PW gets a shoutout for being the bravest girls dorm of all by defying the double standards of drinking in men and women’s dorms. PW disso is no joke. Those girls go hard.
Notable Qualities: Hard Work, Patience, Justice, Loyalty
Dorms: Badin, BP, Howard, Lyons, Morrissey, Carroll
Hufflepuff is the coolest-sounding house, no question. Unfortunately, that’s about all they’ve got going for them. This is Notre Dame, so the stereotypes about being the dumbest kind of fly out the window. Instead, they’re just kind of irrelevant. Hufflepuff is like the middle child in a family. Always forgotten, but still important (or so the parents say). Congrats to these dorms for their patience and loyalty, and for not being that notable.
Badin, nice frog or whatever! Oh, and BP, don’t get offended by this as well.
Howard—honestly, you’ve suffered enough jokes already. At least you’re not like Lyons, AKA Howard with an arch.
Cedric Diggory may have been slaughtered in a graveyard by the most dangerous wizard the world has ever known, but at least he didn’t have to live in a single in Morrissey.
Carroll earns a spot just for the sheer loyalty of its residents. With bleach-blond hair and beet-red faces from walking miles to class, Carroll men are dedicated.
Notable Qualities: Intelligence, Learning, Creativity, Wit
Dorms: McGlinn, PE, Knott, Welsh Fam, Cavanaugh, Keough, Dillon
Go STEM dorms! Yes, all of Notre Dame is technically “smart,” but these dorms go above and beyond for intelligence and incessantly telling people about their SAT or ACT.
Looking right at you, McGlinn and PE.
Becoming traffic cones during the snowball fight? An annoying but clever bit of transfiguration, Knott.
Welsh Fam, the ability to differentiate yourselves from Walsh puts you head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
Cavanaugh, ingenious cloaking mechanism—nobody can figure out how to get into your building.
That fancy crest must mean Keough knows what they’re doing.
Dillon earns its place for Milkshake Mass, the impressive Christmas light show, and because anyone looks better next to Alumni. Way to show your creativity.
Notable Qualities: Ambitious, Cunning, Leadership, Resourcefulness
Dorms: Zahm, Alumni, Duncan, Ryan, Dunne, O’Neill, Siegfried, Flaherty
Being in Slytherin is not necessarily a bad thing, unless you’re talking about Zahm. You know what you did, Zahm. You know what you did.
In fact, pretty much all of Notre Dame fits right in with Slytherin’s ambitiousness. If you don’t believe that, tell any finance major they can have a job at Deloitte as long as they off their best friend, and then hand them a razor blade. In a similar vein, these dorms just come on a little too strong.
Alumni, you are not a frat, sit down; but do utilize those networking skills.
Duncan and Ryan, if you don’t like the results of this Sorting, go call your dads and complain.
Full of tall, white boys with high cholesterol, Dunne earns its rightful spot for basically being Draco Malfoy in residence hall form.
Congrats to O’Neill for the parties and for helping to keep Kamchatka in business. That O wreath outside must have cost you half the school’s endowment.
Siegfried gets in for their rich and super-important history of tradition. Can’t wait for next year’s horn ceremony!
And Flaherty…sure, why not.