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Legends Excitedly Expecting Massive Hip Hop Night Attendance with Feve’s Closing

After Michiana’s hottest night club closed its doors last Thursday, Michiana’s SECOND hottest nightclub is expecting its biggest night ever. Notre Dame’s Legends (the club side, not the restaurant) is preparing for its largest audience yet. Hip Hop Night, Legends’ most popular event, is expecting a record shattering number of students who need a new place to shake their sweaty butts now that Feve is closed.

Hip Hop Night is presented to most freshmen as “something that you should stay away from,” by many of the upperclassmen. This of course makes its allure even sexier, however it wears off quickly after much of Notre Dame’s students realize they can’t actually handle real hip hop beyond early 2000s Drake or Chance the Rapper’s album “Coloring Book.”

Despite this, many Feve regulars are planning on attending the next Hip Hop Night coming up on April 28th. Junior Theology major Laura Peterson could not hide her excitement. “I cannot wait for next Saturday! I hope they play some Chainsmokers songs!” When informed that she could also buy drinks at the Legends bar, Laura let out an innumerable amount of screams.

However, Peterson does have some concerns about attending Hip Hop Night. “I’m just a little worried that memories of me eating dinner with my parents across the restaurant will start haunting me when I’m grinding up on some guy,” Peterson mentioned. “I’ve been to Hip Hop Night once, but that was before I discovered Feve. That night, I witnessed my first Notre Dame hook up.”

When asked if Hip Hop night will be the new Feve, Peterson answered with an astounding, “Yes!”

“There may only be one bar, but you still have a similar dark space where you can’t hear what anyone is saying to you or see the mascara running down anyone’s face. AND Legends has much nicer bathrooms. Feve is dead. Rest in Peace.”

Legends manager, Bob Harris, is preparing for the influx of students by staying out of the way. “I’ve decided to practice what the French call, ‘Lazy-Fair’ or something like that,” he grumbled. “Of course I want to save Legends from being turned into a parking garage, but I really didn’t think that Hip Hop Night was going to save the place.”

Fr. Jenkins himself is rumored to make an appearance at Legends next Saturday, to see if it is really worth saving. If you’re lucky, you might get to see our fearless leader give a Legends’ security guard a lap dance.

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