North Dining Hall has recently undergone a highly publicized renovation, which includes an open floor plan, modern appliances, and brand-new floors. As a finishing touch to the overhaul, the father of junior finance major Albert Adams Jr. donated two state-of-the-art flat screen televisions for each food station, which flash alternating pictures of food or of the North Dining Hall logo.
“I couldn’t stand reading those little signs they put out to describe the food they’re serving in the dining hall. I’d much rather look at pictures of the food on a screen instead,” Adams Jr. explained. “So I called up my father and asked him to make a donation.”
Albert Adams Sr. is an investment banker and 1982 graduate of the University of Notre Dame Mendoza School of Business. He has comfortably settled with his family in the suburbs of Chicago. When asked to comment on his donation, Albert Sr. humbly responded, “I simply couldn’t think of any better way to spend my money. If Albert is expending too much energy reading ridiculous signs, he won’t have enough left to apply for that summer internship at Goldman Sachs’ that my cohort offered to him.”
Adams then whispered under his breath, “Go Irish!”
We also caught Elizabeth Adams, the mother of Adams Jr., right as she was coming out of her daily yoga class. She expressed that, “The North Dining Hall logo flashing will help to center Albert and remind him of his location so that he can be fully present in the moment.”
However, not everyone is on board with the Adams family’s decision. The largest tree outside North Dining Hall is quite upset about the installations and had some choice words for The Black Sheep and the Adams family as we walked out of the dining hall yesterday afternoon.
“Hey, you!” barked the tree. “Did any of you people ever think about environmentally irresponsible it is to put up unnecessary televisions in a dining hall that already uses a significant amount of electricity and generates so much food waste? At least if Albert Jr. expends extra energy reading signs that doesn’t contribute to the depletion of the ozone!”
To this comment, Albert Sr. responded, “Global warming is a hoax made up by the liberals.”
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