Hark! The herald Black Sheep angels have another meaningless article for you. That’s right, God has made it his mission to recreate his most memorable Biblical icons right here on Notre Dame’s campus. As if we needed more evidence that Notre Dame truly is on the Virgin Mary’s of level of chosen-ness. Remember: for God so loved the world that he gave us all the tools to tiptoe around the line of religious blasphemy without actually crossing it.
Father John Jenkins — Jesus:
Obviously we couldn’t overlook the connections two most iconic J names of our generation. Jesus turned water into wine, Jenkins turned North Dining Hall into the most iconic eatery on campus. Jesus brought a man back to life, Jenkins single handedly revived the Notre Dame meme page. And, of course, we couldn’t forget this iconic quote that Jenkins shared when commemorating his hall on campus: “Take this, all of you, and pay for it: this is my building, which has been given to you, but is really for me.”
Erin Hoffman Harding — Mary Magdalene:
Mary Magdalene was always our Lord and Savior’s right hand gal, so it makes sense that she’s the official sidekick to our main man Jenkins. Not to mention that each woman has seven evil demons hanging around inside her soul. We’re pretty sure Mary Magdalene got that issue taken care of, but the jury is still out on EHH.
Brian Kelly — The Burning Bush:
To start, BK’s face always seems to have a reddish orange tint that isn’t quite unlike something burning. Second, if you’ve ever watched him coach, he really is ~fuming~ a great deal of the time (pun intended), so it’s not unreasonable to think that something’s burning under there. And finally, though Kelly’s team seems to be constantly on the brink of disintegrating into a large, raging bonfire, somehow things always manage to stay intact.
NDSP — The Twelve Apostles:
The enforcers… kind of. Like the Apostles themselves, NDSP knows that they’re supposed to be doing something important, but they can’t really figure out how to do it. Basically, they just end up following the Big Guy around and try not to draw too much attention to themselves.
Dining Hall Ladies — The Angels:
These peeps are the immaculate image of angels on high. They are the perfect picture of gentleness and harmony, but steal a second piece of fruit and they can strike overwhelming fear into your heart. Plus, just like the angels guided the shepherds to baby Jesus’ cradle, these angels will make it their mission to approach any cute baby spotted within a 300 ft. radius.
Did we miss anyone, biblical or otherwise? Let us know on Twitter before the gates to Hell crack open and swallow us all, and by this we of course are talking about finals. Please, we need something to distract us from our impending doom.
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