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Senior Discovers Top Ranked Women’s Team After Declaring Notre Dame Basketball Doomed in Wake of Colson Injury

Notre Dame senior Patrick O’Brien was devastated after hearing of star basketball player Bonzie Colson’s season-ending injury.

“I just can’t believe our season is now over. I was predicting we’d make it to at least the Sweet Sixteen, or maybe even the Elite Eight if we were lucky. Now, I’m not even sure we’ll make the tournament,” said O’Brien.

After The Black Sheep informed him that while the men’s season seemed nearly over, the women’s team has currently only lost two games, to top ranked UConn and #2 Louisville, and is currently ranked fifth in the country. O’Brien’s mouth dropped in shock as he leapt off his futon and punched a hole in his door.

“Why did no one tell me this?” he yelled, so loudly that The Black Sheep was not sure if this was in response to the information about the women’s team or the pain from his hand. “You mean I could have supported a team that beat South Carolina, the defending national champion? And not been holding out hope because of a tournament in Hawaii? Why does nobody care about this?”

After begging for more information, O’Brien was shocked to hear about how the Irish have fought back from four players tearing their ACL and still remain one of the most talented teams in the nation.

“Wow, why doesn’t SportsCenter report on how awesome Arike is? Man, what a talent,” O’Brien said after looking at her stats and viewing some highlights. “And Muffet McGraw, a hall of fame coach, is an absolute baller. No one can stop her dynasty.”

The Black Sheep then gave the newest women’s basketball fan O’Brien a poster of the team, which he used to hide the hole in his door.

O’Brien reflected on the news with a couple minutes of silence.

“I knew our women’s team was good, I just didn’t realize how good we were. Man, we all just take them for granted,” O’Brien finally said, shaking his head. “We need to get out and support our other teams! I mean, it’s not like we’re winning any national championships. Except in fencing. And soccer. And maybe hockey. Also the girls’ volleyball team just made it to the NCAA tournament just two years after going 7 and 25.”

“Man, what are you gonna tell me next?” O’Brien chuckled. “Did, like, the U.S. women’s soccer team make the World Cup even though the men didn’t?”

The Black Sheep then informed O’Brien that the U.S. women’s team has won three world cups and four gold medals at the Olympics. O’Brien responded to this news by running through his closed door.

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