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Notre Dame Girls Dorms Reimagined as Alcoholic Beverages

For Notre Dame students, there are only two things in this world that we love unconditionally – our dorms and our booze. Find out which drink best describes your dorm (whether you like it or not).

Badin Hall – Jungle Juice:

Is it Pangborn? Is it Walsh? Who lives there? Where the hell is it? Just like jungle juice, you don’t know the proper name for this dorm, or where it is, or how it got there. But there is one thing you do know – you don’t want to get involved.

Flaherty Hall – Cosmopolitan:

This drink – purely designed to make the drinker appear more sophisticated than they actually are – could be dangling off of any bored, lonely, rich woman’s hand. Or in this case, any current Flaherty resident. These girls stuck in their basically-off-campus mansion are just a Desperate Housewives rerun waiting to happen.

Lyons Hall – Vodka:

Like Lyons itself, vodka is always kind of there. Whether it’s a dorm party, a formal event, or drowning your sorrows alone in your apartment, vodka is always a simple go-to. Sometimes you like it, sometimes you don’t, but it’s always better than nothing.

McGlinn Hall – Wine:

Classic, sweet, and simple. These dorm residents can range from the cheapest Franzia to the finest merlot, but like the drink, they’re still better than a lot of the other stuff out there. Though this dorm can sometimes be a little too full of itself, people always know where to go when they’re craving something more sophisticated.

Farley Hall – Four Loko:

Both Farley girls and Four Lokos have very distinct features – sweet, sparkling (for Farley girls, it’s because of all the glitter), and nice to look at. But though they may seem all sweet and innocent, don’t let those pretty wrappings and bubbly exteriors fool you – once you’re sucked in, you’re a goner.

Pasquerilla West Hall – Tequila:

If you’re looking for the life of the party on campus, look no further. The girls in PW don’t shy away from shots – or a good time. Not everyone can handle them, but they’re sure to liven up any room they walk into.

Pasquerilla East Hall – Fireball:

This dorm likes to think that they’re as wild and crazy as PW, but they definitely aren’t. Instead, PE is that girl at a party who follows you around because they don’t know anyone else there. And then does shots of Fireball when everyone else is drinking tequila. Just go home, honey.

Ryan Hall – Champagne:

Champagne – and Ryan – is as boujee as it gets. These girls know that they’re at the top of the financial heap and, trust us, they aren’t afraid to let you know. Don’t let their cute bubbliness fool you – they will fuck you up if you let ‘em. In summary: fun in moderation.

Welsh Family Hall – Mike’s Hard:

Mike’s Hard, like Welsh Fam, is some weak-ass shit playing at being tough. They talk a big game, but when the time comes, they’ll get belligerently trashed and pass out after two of these bad boys. But for everyone else, these drinks (and the Welsh Fam girls) are a letdown.

Walsh Hall – Aperol:

There’s sweet, and there’s too sweet, and Walsh crosses the line right over into sickly. With the subtlety and mildness of Aperol, they’re the meekest little dorm that you ever saw. You don’t mind them when they’re there, but no one really goes out of their way to look for them. Someone probably likes them, but we couldn’t tell you who.

Cavanaugh Hall – Bud Light:

One of the calmer dorms on campus, there’s nothing that quite encompasses the essence of Cav Hall like a nice cold Bud Light at the end of the day. Now, we’re not talking ten or twelve of them all pounded down in an effort to get plastered, but no one will say no to a nice beer. It’s a party pleaser, if not a little boring.

Breen-Phillips Hall – Absinthe:

Absinthe is that drink – and BP is that dorm – that everyone claims they don’t mind, but once they get a taste, everything comes on just a little too strong. The babes are the only ones who think they’re worth anything, and they’ll go to their grave defending their honor and promoting their good name. But for most, one taste is enough.

Lewis Hall – Screwdrivers:

You didn’t think the L-Hop was that fun all on its own, did you? Seemingly innocent, these Lewis ladies have a little something extra hiding behind that sweet OJ exterior. Many people write off this dorm because it flies below the radar – but, like a screwdriver, it can be surprisingly refreshing.

Howard Hall – Water:

May 19, 2015; Clarke Memorial Fountain, commonly known as Stonehenge, on a windy day. (Photo by Matt Cashore/University of Notre Dame)

Necessary, but lame as hell. Sorry not sorry, Howard.

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