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South Dining Hall is Purposely Tanking to get Students to Spend More Money at the Duncan Student Center

As South Dining Hall’s quality (and quantity) of food rapidly declines, students and faculty alike are questioning  why. Some say the salad bar disappeared due to the temperatures being too difficult to control, others say it is due to the rat traps that were recently found in the dining room, but senior Michael Leary has other ideas.

Leary believes that Campus Dining is purposely serving disgusting food to stop students from eating at SDH, and to instead spend more flex points eating at the Duncan Student Center.

“Three new restaurants open up,” Leary started, in a fury, “but demand is low for them because students already get a meal plan for the dining halls. Plus, flex points are mostly reserved for late night cravings at Taco Bell.”

Leary looked over his shoulder nervously before continuing. “Campus dining panicked. So they purposely started serving something just labeled ‘orange beef,’ limiting ice cream options to just vanilla and chocolate, and leaving rat traps in everyone’s line of sight. They want students to not eat this crap, and instead go spend $12 for an artisan pizza.”

“It’s absolutely disgusting…this…use…of…power,” the senior stammered. “We already paid for our 14-swipes-a-week meal plan and flex points, but when the food is not edible and we are forced to spend all of our flex points on a handful of orange chicken, what do we have to do? Buy more flex points or use our own money. Either way, the university is earning money from it. If someone buys more flex points, the university gets the money. If someone spends their own money, the university is saving money from the extra meal swipes that are not being used,” Leary concluded.

Beth Swifty, a sophomore in Howard, has been a victim of this devious act. “I ate pulled pork for two weeks straight. I almost succumbed and started eating the cockroaches in Cavanaugh as sources of real meat, but instead, I just stopped going to SDH, and then I would grab a Southwestern Crepe from Haggerty Family Café,” she told The Black Sheep.

“I just can’t believe I fell for this,” Swifty teared up. “How could the university do this to us?”

Most likely because all that matters in the world is how much money the university can add to the endowment. For more on this developing story, follow @BlackSheep_ND on Twitter. 

After seeing these tweets written out, it’s clear we need to keep ol’ D-Bag away from DePaul, and Chicago in general.

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