Last week, The Black Sheep stumbled upon a LimeBike in a tree between Cavanaugh and Zahm. Now, we know that many Notre Dame pranksters who have the sense of humor of a twelve year old boy put bikes in trees, because haha! What could be funnier than putting someone’s bike in a tree so that they’re late to their 8:20 class in DeBart? Literally nothing. But this tree-bike—well, this is on another level entirely. THIS is truly a work of art worthy of being noted. But just how did that LimeBike land way tf up in that tree? Here are some possibilities.
10.) Father Jenkins got drunk:
We all know that Father Jenkins can be a bit socially inept. Just as there’s always that kid in middle school who won’t raise his hand in class but will sniff glue in the bathroom during lunch, we’re willing to bet that Father Jenkins got tired of coming up with excuses to evade students and decided instead to get drunk. Hey, it happens. But then he got nervous and just decided to do something drastic. Hence, the LimeBike in the tree.
It’s already been mentioned that this bike is located next to Zahm but we’d just like to stress that point again. ZAHM. Okay, hope you get it now.
If any of you have watched Harry Potter, you’ll know that Luna explains everything that goes wrong by gazing off dreamily and saying “It must’ve been the gnargles.” No one knows what gnargles really are, but they are a fantastic scapegoat. Although this never works when I try to explain an awful grade on an essay to my professors, I’m certain that gnargles could be a potential culprit in this situation.
7.) LimeBikes have become self-aware:
If you’re not already aware of this, then you’re BLIND… LimeBikes are SENTIENT and have been placed on campus by the GOVERNMENT which is conspiring against us. I’m not a fanatic and this is not a phase. This particular LimeBike was tired of being a slave to not only the government, but also to the sweaty asses of thousands of students. So, it decided to climb on up there where no one could abuse its generosity. This is a truly inspiring protestation of society and an act of liberation.
6.) Freshman tried coffee for the first time:
A 5’6” freshman boy who had been holding out on drinking coffee because he still thinks he “has a few more inches to grow yet” and that coffee will stunt his growth has finally decided to try coffee after an all nighter of studying for an orgo exam. TOO much energy! Jittery energy. Some radical feat is imminent, because otherwise he’ll destroy his entire dorm room by dancing violently to early 2000s boy bands. Putting a LimeBike in a tree taller than a tall building seems like a reasonable thing to do.
5.) Notre Dame is too easy:
The girl who got into every Ivy league school on full academic scholarships but decided to Notre Dame because she “loves its Catholic tradition” is now seeking a real challenge. Because Notre Dame is such an easy school! Right? She meant to put the LimeBike at the very top of the tree but she finally met her match. Fail.
4.) The tree was lonely:
In this possible scenario, both the tree AND the LimeBike are sentient beings. The tree, who is named Julia, met this LimeBike one night after it got dumped underneath her by some ignorant student. Unlike the student, Julia immediately saw this LimeBike’s indispensable value and beauty. After the Lime sang her a love song, (Doo-doo-doo-doo-DOO-doo-DOO!), Julia decided she needed a Ring by Spring and took matters into her own hands. After the Lime agreed to this proposal, Julia welcomed it up in her branches for nuptial rites of passage. This seems like the most realistic option because it involves the consent of both the Tree and the LimeBike.
3.) I am hallucinating:
It is possible, that after many nights of very little sleep and high stress levels that I completely imagined this LimeBike in the tree. If this is the case, and you see nothing in the picture above other than a tree, please let me know and I’ll go talk to someone about it.
2.) A Lenten sacrifice:
What could be a better sacrifice than to give up your favorite LimeBike for forty days? This shows God that you are NOT messing around this Lenten season, and that you are ready to live without amenities to prove your love for real this time. It will also hopefully make up for last Lent, when you promised not to get Taco Bell in LaFun but failed miserably after many drunken nights.
1.) A modern day Tower of Babel:
Now that we’re on a religious track, let’s continue. I can totally picture a scenario in which a Notre Dame student gets fed up with their failures and decides to challenge God by climbing as high as they could. (A C- on my Biology exam?? Really God?! WHY???) But why bring the LimeBike? An offering in case God got angry in return, maybe?
Who really knows how this happened? Anything is possible. Anyone with information on how this came to pass, please feel free to contact The Black Sheep, as we clearly have nothing better to do.