So you and your friends are searching for a table end to snag in North Dining Hall when suddenly you spot Chad, that finance major who stuck his tongue down your throat last Saturday. You panic—you can’t run into him looking like this! You haven’t showered! Your hair is a mess! You’re—gulp—sober! What do you do? Well, have no fear, we’ve compiled all the best hiding spots in NDH so you’ll never have to deal with Chad’s awkward eye contact ever again.
6.) Please Put Baby in a Corner Bar Seats:
If-I-can’t-see-you-you-can’t-see-me is totally a thing, right? Not only will you be totally free from any opportunity for awkward eye contact, we’re pretty certain that Chad can’t tell who you are by just staring at the back of your head. And you can’t beat that view!
5.) The Identity Crisis Table:
Stefon from SNL voice: “This place has everything!” AKA, everything you need to avoid seeing Chad. Is it a booth? Is it a table? Who cares! There’s literally a wall dividing you from 95% of North Dining Hall. It’s essentially a barricade between you and all of your horrible decisions. Tuck yourself into this poorly constructed corner and melt into obscurity.
4.) The Mrs. Doubtfire Technique:
Oh no! You went to grab some seconds of your falafel and see Chad coming from the opposite way! What do you do? One technique has proven to be incredibly effective—pull a Mrs. Doubtfire and create an elaborate scheme so you can pretend to be someone you’re not. Or, in this case, just jump behind the counter. Congratulations, you’re a staff worker now! Now just hide out here and keep your head down until an old Asian woman comes and asks you what the hell you’re doing.
3.) The Houdini Effect:
Chad just came back from getting his ice cream—how do you keep him from seeing your baggy sweats and messy bun? Hop in that elevator, friend. Sure, some people might give you a weird look, but Chad will never know. It’s like you just disappeared. AlacaZahm!
2.) The Cup Cave:
The Cup Cave will be one of Notre Dame’s newest housing hotspots in Fall 2018 (it’s already bigger than most ND dorm rooms) but for now it’s the perfect place to peep at Chad unnoticed as he reaches for yet another glass of Powerade. Remember, kids, there’s a fine line between stalking and surveillance, and that line is a half-filled tray of foggy dining hall cups.
1.) The Go-Tos:
If you ever need a spot in a pinch, don’t forget these forgotten classics! Grabbing a drink hides your face and provides a prime wall for you to peer around to check on Chad’s stir-fry progress. And, in a pinch, you can always jump behind those giant TVs that no one watches and pretend that you’re fixing a cable or something. Repair people aren’t generally 20-year-old college girls, so Chad probably won’t look for you there (unless that’s his, you know, thing). And finally, dirty tray carts are easy to hide behind in a snap and even give you nifty little slats to peep through like a proper stalker! Finally, Chad will only see you when your makeup is thick and your standards are low.
The Black Sheep—helping Notre Dame kids hide from their weekend hookups since 2018.
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame: