Going to NYU, “walks of shame” are actually walks of pride because so what if you’re in a mini-skirt at 9 a.m.? A lot of people might be in mini-skirts at that time because this is New York City, where no one judges you (not harshly at least) for what you did, or did not do the night before! Now, while most people would just Uber or Subway home, here is a handy map for those who would rather walk with pride back to their dorm.
This route is perfect if you hooked-up with someone in the flat-iron district, and what you were wearing the night before is comfortable enough to get brunch in. This route will take you directly to by Chloe, your vegan mecca, while avoiding the park and particularly judgey tourists.
This route is for when you’re a freshman hooking up with an “older man” and by older, we mean a sophomore living in Palladium. Walking down Broadway with your backpack full of the books you forgot to leave at your dorm, you realize Bobst is so close and you might as well get some studying done. You obviously didn’t get any done the night before.
Ah so you stayed over in Brooklyn, but live by Union Square, and the subway was making you a bit (or a lot) nauseous. You decided to walk the rest of the way home. Cutting through the park, the smell of the chlorine from the now-active fountain helps to settle your stomach and you might even grab a bagel with lox from Ryan Gosling’s favorite hangout, Bob’s Bagels on University place, before heading home and sleeping the rest of the day away.
This route is for all the Tandon students who are having a fling with Washington Square students. Or for the people who forgot that they had plans to go to Smorgasburg with their BFF’s at 12 and didn’t wake up until 11:30.
This route is essentially the same as Route 8 but for students that live in Third North, Coral Towers or just really love the east side.
Sometimes our booty calls end up in the East Village….but you live in Lipton. Or on the Westside because you’re bougie. Going straight across 4th brings you to the other side of the park, and you have your choice between going home or getting some falafel on Macdougal to wash the taste of regret from your mouth.
So, you stayed over your sugar daddy’s place in Chelsea. Fear not, this route will take you safely back to the warm embrace of Chik-Fil-A, while simultaneously giving you opportunities for some prime, village themed Instagram pics. Also, if you’re into film festival movies, this takes you by IFC. Next date, maybe?
This is for when you just need to get home from the downtown hook-up you don’t really remember, except that the guy or girl was hot AF. Just walk straight up, head down, and never look back.
Coming from the Lower East Side, you probably ran out of subway fare and just want to get back to Brittany, or one of the other dorms in the area. This route will take you through the quickly gentrifying East side, and will expose you to some ~exotic~ (and by which we mean not West Village) brunch places before bringing you back to your home: Broadway.
Lastly, this route is for when you’re coming from Chelsea or the West Village after a bougie night out with that hot guy you met on Tinder (who is a real asshole, so you might want to watch out). You make it to the WSP only to realize you’re not a freshman anymore, you don’t have a meal plan, and you actually live in Brooklyn. You make a quick turnaround, and head back to the nearest station pretending like you weren’t lost, just merely getting in a good walk.
Whatever you choose to do, do so with pride! Or just Uber home and save yourself the energy and possible embarrassment.
Like booze before noon? So do these guys…