While some people go to church on Sundays to praise the Lord, we usually just find ourselves thanking God for Pedialyte. The electrolyte drink originally reserved only for children has now found itself among few sacred hangover cures of which all self-respecting NYU students hold dearly. Here are the five best places around campus to down an entire bottle and regret that last Fireball shot.
5.) The baby aisle of CVS on 6th Ave & W 4th:
If you can make it out of the store without ripping off the plastic seal and gulping down half the bottle,
fuck you, you’re not better than us good for you. As for the rest of us, our heads are throbbing, our eyes are bloodshot, and there are less electrolytes in our system than there are employable majors in Gallatin. Your friends say you made out with a Tisch performance art major so at this point, what are you trying to prove?
4.) The gender neutral bathrooms on the 5th floor of Gallatin:
Nothing exacerbates a hangover more than interacting with “well-rested” or “mentally intact” individuals. Lucky for you, these single stall restrooms come fully equipped with functional locks providing the perfect safe haven for you to stare blankly into the void and question how your pee turned that color. Amenities of this Gallatin treasure include: air-conditioning, a wall mounted safety rail for you to clutch as you weep “silently”, and the exposed brick from that dream apartment your degree in “hedonism” will never let you afford.
3.) Coddled in a brown paper bag along 3rd:
If the thought of interacting with your roommate or coming face to face with your drinking problem is just a little too much to handle right now, prolong your walk of shame by taking your Pedialyte on the go. As you mindlessly drag your feet along 3rd Avenue, be sure to count pigeons or cigarette butts to avoid thoughts of your parents’ disappointment. Finally reach peak disassociation when you have a 15 minute conversation with a Greenpeace solicitor about how your moisturizer is harming the UK clam population before calling an Uber to take you the fuck back to bed.
2.) Your 2 p.m. lecture:
“I have to wake up early for my lecture tomorrow so I can’t get too fucked up tonight,” you say as you chase your 7th tequila shot with a strangers PBR. (lol you dumb bitch). Pull the drawstrings on your hoodie tighter as you take a seat in the back and wonder if it’s possible to get a doctor’s note for being hungover.
1.) The Barney Building’s lounge:
Located right off Astor Place, this lesser known building is “technically” home to NYU’s studio art facilities, but their 24-hour student lounge is the ideal spot for rapid Pedialyte consumption. Whether you’re taking sips at 4 a.m. or desperately trying to replenish your body’s electrolyte deficiency the morning after, Barney’s intricate 1920’s ceiling embellishments will distract you from the burning holes in your bank account, morals, and stomach.
In fact, maybe skip the hangover and the 6$ electrolyte solution by just doing your liver a favor and having a sober night in. Ya know, watch a movie, go to bed early, and ignore the fact that your parents pay $70k a year for you to calcify the fuck out of your liver. (And no, this article was not sponsored by Pedialyte.)
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