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5 Places Around NYU That Desperately Need a Liquor License

With NYU’s tuition, cyclists nearly running you over daily, unreliable dorm printers, and constantly delayed subway lines, we all need a little more liquor in our lives. Here are five places on NYU’s campus that should definitely serve booze:

5.) Kimmel E&L:
Has a friend ever dragged you to a random event in Kimmel that you really didn’t want to go to? If the Kimmel auditorium sold alcohol, all your problems would be solved (we hope)! Instead of socializing with strangers that are way too involved on campus, you can stand in the corner and schlug a beer. No, you’re not a loner, you’re just too cool to care about school events.

4.) Starbucks:
Every basic bitch’s dream…pumpkin spice cocktails, spiked hot chocolate, and shots of vodka instead of espresso. Let’s get white girl wasted!

3.) Halal carts:
How does a food establishment sell cheap, greasy food at 2 a.m. and not sell beer? We can’t think of a better way to start work on that beer belly you’ll undoubtably have by the time you’re 37 than to mix alcohol and halal. Your roommate might think you’re kinda gross, but take advantage of your youthful metabolism while you still have it. It only gets worse from here.

2.) Palladium Dining Hall:
Palladium tries so hard to be fancy with its Sunday brunches and monthly restaurant nights, but everyone knows it’s still shitty dining hall food. They might as well install a Franzia tap to maintain their reputation. It’s just like Palladium’s brunch when you cannot afford the real deal…well, kinda.

1.) Bobst LL1 vending machines:
You’re sitting on the ground of the 8th floor because literally every seat in Bobst is already taken, and the hallway is the only place with a working outlet. You need to finish a fifteen-page paper; create a twenty minute presentation; and prepare for an exam worth fifty percent of your grade. What could be better than a quick jaunt to LL1 to down some tequila and forget about your problems? You can’t take an exam when you’re out sick from alcohol poisoning.

If you would like to see any of these locations have a liquor license, please join us in sending a strongly worded email to President Andy Hamilton. Maybe we’ll finally get to spend our dining dollars on shit we really want!

Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Booze Before Noon:

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