It’s ok to feel lonely, and of the of the best cures for loneliness is Tinder. (It’ll actually only fix it for a minute and then you’ll feel worse, but whatever). The worst part about swiping though, is when you run into somebody you know. You’re definitely not in the mood to answer questions about who this random guy in a fedora is that you’re very obviously anxious about holding hands with. If you plan on hanging out with your Tinder date discreetly around NYU, here are some suggestions.
5.) Hidden in the confines of your dorm:
Obviously. Because why else are you on a Tinder date other than to fuck in your XL twin? What’s better than unflattering fluorescent lighting? Maybe this could be something ~real~, so leading them down a narrow hallway and into your shitty excuse of a home might not be the best first move to make at all.
4.) A dark bar that no one is in:
You should go somewhere fairly boring, strange, and cheap. Basically any spot for thirty year-olds and lonely souls. Something on 14th, like The Blind Pig or Bait and Hook. Their names are just as strange as they are. You guys can laugh about how sad it all is and schmooze old men walking with canes– one of NYC’s best pastimes.
3.) Go to a movie. Those are dark:
East Village Cinema is a good choice because it’s a little bit smaller. It’s nearby but you probably (maybe) won’t run into anybody. You’ll be in the dark so nobody will notice even you do. Movies are especially good if you’re thinking, “why did I do this?” or if they’re a semi-catfish. This is also the perfect time for a lot of soul-searching, because you’ve realized by this point that all you actually want is to be by yourself so you can cry.
2.) Coffee! That’s noncommittal:
Be classy and meet up with them in the afternoon instead of 3 a.m. Why not? Nothing to lose and you’re definitely pretty bored anyway. Everyman Espresso is a small, cute place that doesn’t attract a whole lot of NYU people. You can sip some lattes, talk, and determine which one of you is a sociopath.
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1.) One of the hundreds of restaurants in NYC where no one will find you in:
You don’t wanna drop a whole lot of money on this, so go somewhere small and cheap. Think IHOP. Just kidding don’t do that, that’d be sad. Vanessa’s Dumpling House is on 14th, and low-key enough that you probably won’t run into that other guy you’re hooking up with. If you wanna step it up a little bit, Kanoyama is a nice, reasonably priced Japanese restaurant on 2nd. There aren’t often a lot of NYU people there, it’s mostly adult business people. Gross.
Good luck finding the love of your life in the city of dreams (even though you’ll definitely ghost this person when they text to hang out again). At least you weren’t lonely anymore. Kind of. For a second.
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