Mere mention of the NYU shuttle can be a scary experience for many students, inspiring severe PTSD of times when the system failed them. (A.K.A. every time). What is it about the app that says it’s always coming in either 1 or 31 minutes, because somehow neither of those are ever true? But every morning starts out the same, and every morning we all experience all five stages of grief waiting for the gd shuttle.
This first stage of grief sets in with missing the first shuttle. You hurtle through the finicky revolving doors only for it to pull up and away from the curb and on to school. However, after looking down the street and considering the idea of walking, it seems beyond inconceivable. The sun is shining and it’s so hot, you absolutely can not imagine having to walk your ass those long fifteen blocks to school. And, anyway, the next one’s supposed to come in a couple minutes; it shouldn’t take too long.
If you’re lucky (read: aggressive) enough to get a seat on said shuttle and are able to avoid the intense annoyance that comes with the irritation of waiting to not stand and then standing regardless, then you’re one step ahead. For every disgruntled passenger, the traffic wait alone will make you question if this is a form of torture used by NYU to soften you up to the idea of paying 70 thousand dollars worth of tuition every year.
This is the point of the ride where you’ve given up hope of making it on time. The traffic is absurd, and the air conditioning waning. Your thoughts turn to prayers. You think,: “God, Buddha, Shiva, Satan, endless stack of turtles that hold up the world! Please if you’re there, make this shuttle move. Make it move more than an inch. I’ll give up drinking and drugs, sex. cigarettes. I’ll even give up cheese. Please, just move.” And when nothing happens and you take a hunk of cheese and start gnawing on it, you realize you may die on this shuttle.
Just let the fact that this is gonna happen every day this year settle in. YAY! YAY for Nihilism! YAY for a meaningless existence! But, obviously, it’s still better than walking? Is it?
Despite this constant mourning for a better commute, nothing could ever make you walk to school! You know you’ve reached acceptance when you add Netflix and HBO Go to your phone; consequently, you download all seven seasons of 30 Rock and all four seasons of Silicon Valley. And then, quite suddenly, the wait doesn’t even feel that long.
At the end of the day, the shuttle might take 400 hours to get you where you need to be, but you’re a college student in NYC with little to no responsibilities. So, shut the fuck up and eat your cheese.
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