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Shit You’re Just Too Old For at NYU

For some of us, college is still a blank slate. A crisp and clean piece of paper, ready to be inked full of memorable experiences and even more memorable regrets. For the rest of us, college life has long since lapsed into a murky grey hell-scape of smoke-scented absinthe and blandly similar nights out. We asked you to tell us which normal, nighttime activities are just too much for your old self.

5.) Dangling off a balcony:
“God, I just can’t handle another night where I end up dangling off a balcony at a penthouse on 84th because my roommate’s supposed best bud was actually an increasingly unhinged crack dealer named “Downtown R”. It’s like, I really need to stop trusting people who’s name sounds like a subway line.”

-Malcolm Webber, Stern Class of 2018

4.) Getting drunk and joining the Hare Krishnas:
“I really have to stop getting drunk and joining the Hare Krishna’s at Union Square every Thursday, my throat isn’t built for this. Besides, I’ve shaved my head enough times already, I’m afraid next time it won’t grow back.”

-Geordie Benn, Gallatin Class of 2018

3.) Being confused for an RA:
“Honestly, I’d love to be able to still go hard, but every time I try to go to a Gramercy party, they shut it down ‘cause I look like an RA. I try wearing cool, youthful, clothes, but apparently once you turn twenty, you can’t pull it off anymore.”

-Kernish Seguin, CAS Class of 2019

2.) Thinking your Joe’s receipt is a MetroCard:
“I’m kind of done with heading to late night parties in Brooklyn, there’s enough Snapchat stories of me thinking my Joe’s receipt is a MetroCard. Although, it did work one time, so I’m pretty sure there’s something shady going on between the MTA and the Union of New York Pizza Workers.”

– René Thornton, Tisch Class of 2018

1.) The hungover morning rush:
“I just can’t have another morning where I have to rush a mile from Union to Stern and I’m just utterly, monumentally, disgustingly, vomit-inducing, hungover. The kids who’ve already showed up have enough to deal with, I’m sure.”

– Professor Xavier Pasternak, Steinhardt Class of 1990

Unfortunately, it’s only midterm season and there’s plenty of time left this semester foor more crazy shit. Because, let’s face it, will feeling too old really ever stop you?

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