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We Interviewed Professor Sean Eve on the 5 Truths You Must Accept To Survive NYU

Sean Eve is a Clinical Assistant Professor in Liberal Studies and the Chair of the Writing department. However, he is better known as “Professor flip-flop,” because he wears the offending garment year-round regardless of the state of his toes that were lost to the harsh pre-ozone melting winters. He has been teaching at NYU for many, many, many years (a.k.a forever) and is known for his style that has been described as “Robin Williams in The Dead Poet’s Society.” Here are 5 truths from Professor Flip-Flop himself on life at NYU and surviving this special campus. 

5.) Some of our fellow students have never had thoughts before:
“We’d play these little mental games in class, unpacking philosophical statements. Suddenly, this student puts her hands up to her head and says, ‘ something is happening.’ She stands up, repeating over and over, ‘ Something is happening in my head’. I was worried she was having a stroke or an embolism, but after a minute or so, she just sat down again, looking a little red faced. From what I gathered later, it was her first experience of independent thinking.  It was a sensation she’d never had before.” 

Aw! The first thought must have been so unforgettable for her. Sadly, most of us can’t remember, as it happens before long term memory is a thing.

4.) Your excuses should be more original:
“One time a student missed a conference that they had with me because they had to SKYPE their horse in Florida. It was hard to maintain the relationship in college, she explained, but being able to talk face to face really helped. This was the same students who’d complained about an assignment earlier in the semester because she was traveling to Switzerland with her horse for an equestrian competition.” 

The only response to this is that it is relatable AF, because if you don’t Skype with your horse 3 times a week, you bet your collective seasonal effectiveness disorder will come back. Also, we can clearly be way more creative with our excuses. Be like this Queen of Bullshit because your game is weak.

3.) Before unsolicited dick pics, it was unsolicited butt plugs:
“She was a self-declared dominatrix. Very talented, she explained to me one day after class, in the art of S and M. She’d love to teach me. I told her that it wasn’t appropriate, but she kept after me, dressing up for class, winking, licking her lips. I tried to be understanding, but I had to put my foot down when she started leaving sex toys in my faculty mailbox.”

Stop. This. Mess. This behavior is only done by the richer of NYU students. No one else has money for that whilst also paying 72K a year.

2.) NYU Rats can smell your fear, and model themselves after kamikaze pilots:
“I was teaching in one of those dingy basement classrooms on West 4th, and there was this huge rat that would walk across the ceiling every night. It wasn’t just the sound, you could see the ceiling tiles being pushed down as it went from one area to another. We tried to ignore it, but the ceiling bowed so much, it felt like it would fall through at some point. You just hoped it wouldn’t drop down on you.”

It lived for years of that puffed-Cheetos flavored fear. It eventually died when overpowered by the hot and spicy crunch Cheetos placed by a band of semi-broken students sick of living in fear.

1.) Before you invite NYU students anywhere, check for fangs:
“I had an advisee who was a blood drinker, a modern day vampire. She was talking about how important this was in her life while she was sitting right next to me in my cubicle. I was looking up her schedule on the computer when out of the corner of my eye I noticed her smile. She had fangs, big ones. It scared the shit out of me. I mean I’d only been at the job a couple of weeks, and I’d heard about people having fangs surgically implanted, but still.”

Vampires are over — if you want relevant terror you gotta watch out for people dressed as something from Black Mirror or a global warming graph.

 This interview has been edited by for conciseness and clarity, but all quotes are directly from Professor Eve himself. 

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